LODESTAR: one man's beliefs in a world of billions

PARAPHRASING FROM THE GOOD BOOK

2012-03-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

Eight Beatitudes for Personal Success

1) Blessed are the honest for they will never need a good memory.

2) Blessed are those who value their friends for they will have many.

3) Blessed are those who don't take themselves too seriously for they will

giggle more than gag.

4) Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.

5) Blessed are those who communicate for they are our teachers.

6) Blessed are those who know where they're headed for when they get there they'll know where they are.

7) Blessed are those who contribute as members of the community for without them we are all less.

8) Blessed are the healthy for they shall live long enough to exhibit the other seven beatitudes.

Lesson:Beatitudes are attitudes.

CHANGING LANES ON PURPOSE

2012-02-24T14:33:00.001-07:00

Ever drive a car whose front wheels aren't properly aligned? Then to feel the excitement of being a playful little kid again, you let go of the steering wheel until you were just about to become one with the guard rail?

I hope you have because I have, and I'd hate to have been the only one!

With improper alignment, if you let go of the steering wheel, you go -- wherever. With proper alignment, if you let go of the steering wheel, you go where you're pointed.

The same is true with your internal alignment. How aligned is what you do with what you believe? If you are properly "aligned," your internal beliefs and external behaviors are in sync. You can "let go" and be assured you will travel in the direction you intended.

"I should be doing it."
"But I don't want to do it."
"They are making me do it."
"If I don't do it, somebody will get me."
"So I'll do it."
"But I don't want to do it."

'Fess up, have you ever had that conversation with the person in the mirror?

I hope you have because I have, and I'd hate to have been the only one again!

If you have it's a sure bet you've experienced stress. Behaving in opposition to the way one believes (being out of alignment) is a major cause of negative stress today.

On the other had, when what you think and what you do is in alignment; that harmony, that's integrity, that's peace.

If your behaviors and beliefs are not aligned, and you "let go," you'll be bouncing off the metaphorical guard rail in short order. Just drift mentally for a moment and you lose your direction. To end up where you wish to go when you are not properly aligned takes constant pressure, means more work, produces more stress and could ultimately cause a "blow out."

Lesson: Choose not to give your body a double message. When confused the body tends to attack itself.

CERTAINTY, OR NOT

2012-02-16T15:56:00.002-07:00

What do you know for sure?

I don't mean this just as a casual greeting like "Wazzup?" I really mean "What do you know for sure?" What do you know that's always been true and will continue to be true?

To test your answer, ask yourself, "Does everyone you know believe the same thing?" Do you think everybody alive believes the same thing? I'm going with no. All you can really say is, "This is what I believe. This is what I know for sure, and I will continue to live my life according to that belief-- until I believe something else."

Short of death, there is nothing universally "for sure."

You'd believe everything if you could, but you can't; too many conflicts. You also cannot believe in nothing. (If you did, you'd be saying you believe in nothing, which is believing in something.) That leaves picking and choosing what, for you, will be the beliefs, the "for sures," the rules by which you live your life.

What causes us so much stress in our lives is our belief that the way we view the world is "for sure," and others who can't see it that way obviously just don't get it. Our never-ending mission in life then becomes bringing others to the one true meaning. Think about your work stress. How much stress is caused by your frustration over things not going the way you believe they should go? Should they? Why does it need to be your way? Could your way possibly be "wrong?"

How about when you send that letter in to the boss for her approval. You have been working on that mini-masterpiece for two days, crafted every word, and designed every sentence. You have a great pride of authorship. She changes a significant portion because the boss thinks it reads better her way. Who's right? Some who read the letter might prefer the boss's way, some yours. Is it worth getting nuts about? As Dave Berry wrote: "In the song 'Home on the Range,' where it says 'the skies are not cloudy all day' does that mean the skies are cloudy, but not all day, or does it mean that the skies are totally cloud free all day? Also do the deer and the antelope play with each other?"

What do you know "for sure?" Searching for absolutes outside your own skin is useless and stressful.

The deep thinkers keep telling us we should not be judgmental. Things aren't right or wrong, they just are. While I believe being completely non-judgmental is a worthwhile goal of mankind, and a significant reducer of stress, I also believe it to be impossible. Working toward the meaty goal of reducing stress through non-judgmentalism would be much easier if we didn't see the world as full of "for sures."

Some "sure" things in your life you change because the change is in your best interest. Some you change because life's experiences show them to be false. Either way changing "for sures" is tough because it doesn't leave you anything to wrap your arms around. And stress can pull us apart when we don't have anything to hold on to.

Lesson: Nothing in life is for sure, and that's for sure.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES

2012-02-09T12:34:00.001-07:00

What are the WORST things that could happen to you in the next 24 hours?

When asked that question people generally lock on to the following events:

Death
Accident
Serious illness

Now the brighter side of that question: What are the BEST things that could happen to you in the next 24 hours?

I would ask you to stop reading and give serious thought to your answers to this "best/worst" question. Your answers must be personal (could happen to YOU) and could happen in the next 24 hours of your life.

[Pause here for thinking.]

What did you discover?

As this is a highly personal exercise I can only speak for my highly personal self, I found the greater likelihood of something bad happening in my life in the next 24 hours than of something good happening.

If you find more good than bad, (promotion, birth of a child, inheritance from an uncle you didn't know existed, and if you did know him you wouldn't miss him anyway)--congratulations! Then move on to the next 24 hours. The day after the best thing occurred, what's the best/worst that can happen?

After a few rounds of this exercise reality sets in, you're going to die. You'll probably be very sick before you die. As a human, you are an accident waiting to happen.

The conclusion I came to is, for most of us a twenty-four hour period is considered good when the bad stuff doesn't happen!

In a world where "big bads" are certain, and "big goods" are uncertain, what's the upside of this life?

When this fact first burrowed into my brain, I thought I had just paid in full for a life's membership in club pessimism. (What would be the use, they would only loss my membership anyway!) But the more thought I gave it, the more I realized the "best/worst" question might well be the mother of all life's lessons.

If "big bads" are certain, "big goods" are uncertain, then the joy of living HAS to be in experiencing and wallowing in the multitude of "little goods" that makes up every minute of every day.

Everything from eyes open in the morning to eyes shut at night, the list of what is good in your life is endless (The sunrise/sunset, the touch of a loved one, the lick of a dog, or the touch of a dog and the lick of a loved one, whatever). The things you can appreciate in your life are everywhere. The "little goods" have been the fodder of best selling books, grist of motivational speeches, lyrics of pop songs and the prattle in poems. The pleasant little thing in life have been embroidered on doilies, slapped on posters and forwarded by every well meaning friend with access to e-mail.

Most of the "little goods" seem, on the surface, to be sloppy, sentimental, simpering, syrupy and sappy, yet without fully embracing the sun, friends and dogs in your life, your knowledge of the inevitability of "big bads" could drive you nuts.

That is why it is so important to savor every moment of the "little goods". Maximizing the good things is conceptually easy because there are many more "little goods" in a life than "big bads". A life is wasted when you let yourself become so fixated on the few "big bads," you let the many "little goods" that make life worth living go by unnoticed.

Lesson: Everything you have ever loved in life will someday be taken from you--but you have them now.

MINDLESS MOMENTS

2012-02-02T10:08:00.001-07:00

The following testimonial for a brand of fly traps appeared in a Horse and Livestock equipment catalog:

"I bought two of your Fly Traps. I thought it was a good deal. I counted 2,972 flies in one trap. I would recommend them," Darrell Haywood, OK

I would ask you, if you have never tried number-crunching insects, to suspend judgement about the way Darrell chooses to use his time. Maybe in Haywood, OK dead-fly counting is considered a good job!

Darrell seems like the kind of guy whose hand I'd like to shake (after he washed it). He seems like the kind of guy that doesn't care what others think about what he does with his waking moments. He seems like the kind of guy who would admit to a magazine, (that has circulation outside of Haywood, OK.) that he physically tore apart at least one old fly trap and handled a minimum of 2,792 dead and decaying flies.

What Darrell-like thing do you do? I have a hobby collecting something I can't even name. For the last twenty years I've collected those little plastic fasteners that attach tags to new clothes. (This collecting is something I do while not actively engaged in obliterating ignorance from the face of the earth.)

Life is tough; it's full of good things you need to work at appreciating, and bad things you need to work at overcoming. With all that work going on, consider carving out those special little brainless moments dedicated to the likes of collecting plastic fasteners and counting dead flies.

Lesson: Not everything you do has to make any sense to anybody.

EASY TO SAY, EASY TO DO.

2012-01-26T10:12:00.001-07:00

"What I want to do with my life is to make a difference." Ever hear anyone say that? Ever heard yourself say that?

My philosophy of life is simple: You're born, you die and in between you do something. That "something" can be butcher, baker, candlestick maker, doctor, lawyer, Native American Head Administrator, prince, pauper, pawn or a king. You will occupy your time on earth doing something. There are only a few of us who will be remembered by the rest of us for that something we do, good or bad. Most of us must be content to be the "rest of us," and that's just fine.

You may not make a difference to the multitudes, but at your death, I believe, you will have made a difference to somebody, and so, many of us seek to make that difference through work. Mistake.

An employee can attempt to make a difference through work, but that's a tough road, because an employee is only one half of the equation. His or her organization is the other half. Do you really believe when the founders of companies had a business idea, garnered capital, adhered to all government rules and regulations, hired a bunch of strangers, negotiated for real-estate, and experienced many sleepless nights, they did it all for the purpose of providing you an opportunity to "make a difference?"

Did the founders bring their burning desires and passions to life to provide you and me an extended family, a home away from home, a place to go each day for fulfillment, challenge, an enhanced quality of life, The American Dream, and a home base from which to make a difference? Of course not, but somehow workers were willingly, happily, unconsciously, and voluntarily led down that yellow brick road to the loving, caring and all-benevolent organization.

Today's employees were influenced by previous generations to believe an organization should care about their hopes, dreams and aspirations and on the job they would be doing something worth doing, something that made a difference. So people tried to combine the "making a difference" at work concept with the "making a salary" concept and found themselves ordering Maalox by the case.

Those who are living their lives with the pressure relief valve open are those who have realized their passion to make a difference transcends the workplace. They don't have to be employed to make a difference. They vow to make a difference wherever they are and in whatever they are doing. This is an important lesson because the framework in which you live your life is continually changing, and if you tie your life's purpose to something transitory like your job, there is trouble in River City.

The young and naive tend to give their organization more responsibility for their whole person than it wanted or should have had. As workers mature they came to realize their organizations used them as much as they used their organizations -- both for selfish reasons. Employees are to their organizations, like it or not, interchangeable pieces.

Work is just one element of your life, one way to express yourself, and one of many way to make a difference. Your being on this earth does not have to be justified through your work, volunteerism, parenting or all the other "somethings " you do. Just being here you have made a difference.

Lesson: Different people have different ways to make a difference.

WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO?

2012-01-19T16:15:00.001-07:00

George Santana, a renown professor of philosophy at Harvard University (and to my knowledge no relation to Carlos), paced up and down lecturing to his captivated students. The professor walked deliberately to a window overlooking a garden of spring flowers, stood silently for a long time and finally said, "I very much fear that last sentence will never be completed. You see, I have an appointment with April." George Santana never lectured formally again.

The professor decided he didn't want to profess anymore. He was going to lead a different life. Good for him. How many different lives have you lead? How many different lives would you like to lead?

Answering these questions will require a life time-out to analyze what you have done and what you want to do. When in that taking-stock mood will you be mentally breaking out your best bottle of champagne in unbridled happiness over your life choices, or breaking your best bottle of champagne over your head in abject frustration?

If you were a lawyer, do you wish you had been a potter, a potter a lawyer? Maybe you lived in the city and wished you lived in the country or been a country bumpkin longing for the life of a city slicker. Do you wish you had been married, single, single living like married or married living like single? How would you have been in the religious life or as a Hell's Angel? Would you like to have lived the life of a senior vice president of a large corporation or a rescuer of Labrador Retrievers? Do you wish you had guided your life with the purpose of making more money, or do you wish you were more of a rose smeller? How about living as a musician on the road or a magician with a toad?

As they say, life is short, but it's wide. Different ways to live a life do not have to be mutually exclusive. If you choose the path that will lead you to being a vice president of a large corporation that doesn't mean you can't rescue Labs on the side (or for the more adventurous, be a vice president on the side). Consider retiring when you've had enough bossing people around, and then you can rescue dogs in your next life. How about being a lawyer until you're forty and then a potter until you're eighty, then on to the Hell's Angels.

You can lead one life with very little planning at all, just show up. To lead more than one life requires planning, and the sooner the better. What causes senior frustration moments is realizing you are just flat-out too old to hit the road as the circus human cannon ball that you now realize was your life's dream. While you may read about 95-year-old skydivers (Notice you only read about them once.), they are obviously the exception. The truth is there are ideal times in life to do certain things so you always must be thinking ahead of the game. You can give the road less traveled by those your age a try, but remember the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Lesson:There are many ways to live a life, pick out a half dozen or so and get going.

A DAY AT THE MOVIES!

2012-01-11T10:36:00.002-07:00

Sammy Davis Jr., a physically handicapped, racial and religious minority, and a basically unattractive (relatively), little guy, was a multi talented movie star. I, on the other hand, a healthy, attractive (relatively), racial and religious majority-- am not. I'm sure there is a lesson here, but that has nothing to do with the point of this story.

In 1989 Sammy played the role of a dying tap dancer in the film, Tap. Sammy's movie daughter was, admonishing him for continuing, in a weaken condition, to sneak out with his old cronies and dance. Sammy told her, "If I stop dancing I'll still be dying, I'll just be bored doing it." Then he said the most powerful line in the movie, "I am a tap dancer". As simple as that line was it set the priorities for the life of Sammy's character. A dancer was who he was. It was his priority. It defined him. His life's purpose was to serve the dance.

While Mr. Davis Jr.'s character was fictitious, there is also the true story of Karl Wallenda. Karl founded the high wire act, The Flying Wallendas. Ten years prior to Karl's "work related" death he was asked about his feeling for the tightrope. He said, "Being on the wire is living, everything else is waiting." A wire walker was who Karl Wallenda was. It defined him. It was his priority. His life's purpose was to serve wire walking.

Two characters in one of Warren Beatty's earlier movies Shampoo were discussing Beatty's character, and one said something like, "He's a hairdresser, right?" The other character said, "He's not a hairdresser, it's just what he does." Doesn't sound like WBs purpose was to serve hair.

When the lid of the old pine box closes, and they fiddle you on home, wouldn't it be nice to know that you spent your alive time serving that which to you is you?

Lesson: Some do what they do, others do what they are.

GOOD OLD GOLDEN RULE DAYS

2012-01-03T09:49:00.000-07:00

"When they came back to us, they were bad runners, ignorant of every means of living in the woods, neither fit for hunters, warriors nor counselors, they were totally good for nothing!"

Indians of the Six Nations declining an offer to send some of their young men to William and Mary College because of previous experiences.

Totally good for nothing seems a bit strong. I'll bet when those Native American young men returned from absorbing the white man's teachings they were good at differentiating between their equals and those less equal. They had perfected deviating from their roots in the permanent earth and could enthusiastically lust after material, temporary goods like the best of the white students. The little learners could skillfully prefabricate stories to make life easier for themselves, distrust others with the best of them and fully understand that religion was in a building on a certain day of the week rather than in all of creation at all times.

I'm sure they could also speak English, spell, diagram a sentence, recognize Roman Numerals, add, subtract, multiply and divide--they just couldn't run, live in the woods, hunt, make war or counsel--Indian stuff.

What is the role of formal education? While the role changes over time, schools, hopefully, have basic marching orders to teach what the students need to know to prosper (however defined by the community). This may sound easier than it is. Readin', Ritin. and Rithmatic' or Runnin', Huntin' and Counselin'?

Let's look at the traits that differentiate us from the animals; some examples are: imagination, ability to change, capacity to experience emotions thereby generating tears and laughter, potential to make choices, lack of fear of the vacuum cleaner, and directed by a purpose higher than instinct and/or tradition. On the downside, we humans have the potential to lie, cheat, steal and kill things for no particular reason.

These traits, good or bad, are traditionally not covered in formal education. Should they be or should formal education limit itself to the hard, quantifiable skills, and leave the running, hunting and counseling to life? I think so.

Some core life skill learning (i.e. coping with disappointment, learning from failure, exuding confidence, taking responsibility, being trustworthy--the modern day equivalents to running and hunting), will occur as a byproduct of sitting in a schoolroom all day with a bunch of people. Life skill learning in a classroom is not to be underestimated, but teaching a student to cope with life's disappointments shouldn't be formal education's primary objective. Teachers have a full enough day teaching the three R's

None of the input I have needed to cope with life's sucker punches was covered in formal education, but I had the life skills when I needed them. Keep your radar up and for gosh sakes STAY AWAKE. Some days I have learned as much from my dogs as I have from the "experts" on the TV. Selectively place your learning eggs in the education basket, (render unto education what is education's), or you'll find yourself stumbling through life with a wall full of diplomas but be "totally good for nothing."

Lesson: Learning is not always where we expect to find it, but it can always be found.

TEX IS DEAD!

2011-12-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

Tex died yesterday. I doubt any of you knew Tex. I didn't, and I was his next door neighbor for more than two years. You know how it is. Both of us working, doing our " thing," just "takin' care of business." Tex was a manager in an automobile dealership, and the goings and comings from his 12-hour-day, six-day week dedication was all of Tex I knew.

It may be different for you, but when anybody I even remotely know dies, my brain begins to rearrange priorities seemingly against my will. I start talking to myself more than usual using phrases like, "In the grand scheme of things...." and then desperately try to figure out, what the heck is the grand scheme of things?

Tex knew for about six months that he was dying. I wonder if during those last six months he ever felt angry or frustrated over the car sales he was unable to close during his years of hard work, or the weeds that were beginning to take up permanent residence in his lawn. I wonder whether he worried about the potential sale of the car dealership to an out-of-state company. I wonder if he concerned himself over what his boss thought of him or what his neighbors thought of him. I wonder if he stayed awake at night considering the effectiveness of the new advertising campaign, his receding hairline--or maybe none of those things made any difference to Tex in "the grand scheme of things."

I saw a bumper sticker that read, "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." The "main thing" and "the grand scheme..." both boil down to one word--priorities. It is only natural that Tex's priorities were different when he knew this life was coming to an end. My guess is that spectacular southwestern sunsets and sunrises looked even more special to Tex as his "days dwindled down to a precious few." Spending time with the family, grilling chicken fajitas on the Weber, cutting the grass and taking out the garbage, routine events often taken for granted, I am sure, were savored.

Most of us don't know how much of life we have left. Six months, six years, or sixty years? What do you do with your time? Chronobiology is an emerging science that studies how time interacts with life, but do you need a science? Time is how you partition your lives between birth and death. You don't have time, waste time or save time you can only spend time. Do you spend your waking moments deeply concerned over how your carpet is wearing, or do you spend the precious present sitting around glassy-eyed watching spiders spinning webs?

Spiders, glass eyes or anything in between, is fine as long as you understand you will never ever get that time back again. What would Tex do?

Lesson: You're dead a lot longer than you're alive; use alive time wisely.

SIGN LANGUAGE

2011-12-19T12:46:00.000-07:00

SIGN LANGUAGE

I was killing time in a small airport gift shop in a mid-sized southeastern city. This particular gift shop was full of things one expects to find in an establishment surviving on tourist dollars, but the shop also contained something that would have been amusing if it wasn't so pathetic. In its relatively modest space this retail shop contained 22 handwritten signs placed strategically so as not to be missed. Following are the warm-hearted signs that greeted the potential customer:

2--No drinks allowed.
8--Buy magazines, then read.
1--These are old, out of date papers, please leave them alone!!
5--Please do not handle toys. Toys opened or damaged will be paid for by parents or guardians.
1--Please do not open pens.
5--If you break, you buy!

What do you think was in the minds of the owners, if anything? Do you believe they were looking to improve their bottom line by increasing profit through the patronage of satisfied customers, or was their main objective to reduce their expenses by closing up each night with nothing broken? I can just imagine their mission statement: To be the southeast's largest storehouse of unbroken stuff!

In your personal life what kind of "signs" are you putting up?
I am fragile--be careful with me.
I am tough; you can't hurt me.
Go away; I don't need anybody.
Stay with me; I am needy.
I am better than you, or anybody else for that matter.
I am a scatterbrain, follow up with me on every detail.

I judged the gift shop as non-customer friendly and chose not to stay, much less buy anything (lest I break it on the way to the cash register). How are people judging you? Why?

I first became aware of my acting like a billboard at the end of day one of a two-day program I was conducting. The group got together for beer and pizza. I was invited, and so as not to hurt the inviter's feelings, and simultaneously quenching my thirst, I graciously accepted. The next day in class an antendee of both the program and the drinkfest, came to me and said, "I saw you across the room, but you didn't look like you wanted to be bothered, so I didn't come over to say hello." It took a bit of self-analysis to admit he was right. I was tired and I had a big day coming up, but I sure never would have come right out and said, "Stay away, I'm tired and I have a big day coming up" to anyone. I didn't even think I was thinking it, and yet I was alone most of the evening. How did they know?

Lesson: You got it, you asked for it.

RUFUS GOOFUS

2011-12-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

Ever watch hummingbirds eat?

The Selasphorus Rufus (hereafter known as Ruf) hummingbird is a sight to behold. Ruf is known as a "dominate feeder," that, loosely translated, means Ruf is the 500 pound gorilla when eating time comes around. With hummingbirds that's every waking moment of everyday of their fast and furious lives.

I was sitting in my office which overlooks a hummingbird feeder (actually in my office I tend to overlook a lot of things, but I digress) when I saw my first Ruf. Two non-Rufs were busily flitting from one feeder eating hole to another, and out of nowhere comes Ruf. The other two would have wet their pants if they could have found a pair to fit their spindly little legs. Ruf then began the process of doing his "dominate" thing and guarding the food supply so that no other hummer could feed.

To get something, you have to give up something. Ruf, to get sole possession of the food, had to give up something. What he had to give up was any time for him to eat the food he so jealously guarded. Ruf was so busy keeping others away, he couldn't eat. Sounds foolish doesn't it?

Let's ascend the food chain. My wife, Jean, taught 5th grade. A couple of times a year she had an "auction" in which the kids, using "Good Job " tickets which they have earned over the school year, bid on various items which Jean had brought in. Last auction a student named Destiny really wanted a small pitcher. Thomas another student, not knowing Destiny wanted the pitcher, outbid her. She was crushed, sad to see, but hey that's life in fifth grade (and everywhere else). In the process of wrapping the pitcher for his mother, Thomas got fifth grade boy-itis and dropped it. He now had a bag of smithereens for his mother. Jean later spoke to Destiny about what she thought of the events of the day and she said, "At first I was glad, but then I felt sad that nobody would be able to enjoy the pitcher"--a concept completely alien to Ruf.

When it comes to getting, or not getting, what you want, grade schools are full of lessons. During this same auction, Shelby a girl with special education needs really wanted a music box with a dancing clown. Shelby had 42 tickets to bid. The other kids knew that Shelby wanted that particular music box--the rest of the class stopped bidding at 40. Shelby had her music box with the dancing clown

When you don't get what you want, are you more like Ruf or Mrs. Payne's 5th grade class?

Lesson: Don't get your shorts in a wad over not having something, be happy for those who have it.

WALKING AND TALKING

2011-11-19T14:58:00.000-07:00

Jean, what would you do if I died?

I thought that was an interesting and thought provoking question to ask my wife of many years during an after dinner walk. Jean, on the other hand, thought it was a strange and morbid question to ask anyone during an after dinner walk, but she answered it anyway.

I would move to Albuquerque, she said without skipping a beat.

I skipped a beat--let me tell you why. Over the previous few years Jean's entire family had moved from Sheboygan, Wisconsin to Albuquerque. Jean and I had some of our best vacations in New Mexico. A corporate co-worker and I had fantasized about getting out of the Chicago rat race and buying a hardware store in Albuquerque. As you can see, I was mentally settled in the Land of Enchantment already, and now I find out that the only thing that was keeping me from living out my dream was my not being dead! I thought it would be an interesting and thought provoking question.

Within the next eighteen months we were living in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The only sacrifice we had to make was my being alive.

That walking Q & A session taught us something we hadn't realized about ourselves (besides how cumbersome my being alive was). We realized that where we lived was important to us. We wanted to hang our hearts where there were mountains, sun and a sky you could see through. For other people the physical trappings of where they live mean little, for them it is the job, or closeness to family, or being able to hang around the old neighborhood.

There is nothing intrinsically right or wrong about where you choose to live or any other of life's choices, as long as you know what your choices are and choose to make them.

Get out after dinner and take a walk.

Lesson:Communicate with people important in your life about things that are important in your life.

LOVE IS A MANY SPLINTERED THING

2011-11-04T14:25:00.000-06:00

In an interview aired years ago with the singer Boy George, not to be confused with the actor John Wayne, Boy said, "Any love is good love." Mr. George was answering a question relating to his sexual preference, so we can only guess what he meant by "any love", but the truth of his statement stuck with me.

It's been many years since my first dog-best-friend, Lucky, died and I'm still not over it. It's still hard to talk or even write about. Does love of an animal fit under the "any love" category?

The first three dictionary definitions of the word love ties love to a person. Definition four states, "A strong fondness or enthusiasm for someTHING." I accept that Lucky was not a person, but he definitely was not a "thing" and he was loved. (Obviously, Mr. Webster didn't know Lucky.)

Is it possible to love an animal as much as a person or an ash tray as much as an animal? Is that what "any love" means? Heck yes!

Love, to me, loosely encompasses anything (person, place, thing or animal) without which my life would be less. Selfish? Sure, but love is selfish. The more something means to YOU the more you love it, which makes love a multi-level concept. While you may simultaneously "love" your new electric can opener, your tropical fish and your spouse, the loss of one of those loves would leave a greater hole in your life than the loss of the other two. (Which one I'll leave up to you.)

Selfish love may not be a popular opinion and I guess, since anything is possible, it's possible to love some person, place, thing or animal for its own sake, but that depth of pure unselfish love is very, very rare. If selfish love bothers you, think of a true, top of the love-list love you have in your life. Could you lose that love without any "selfish" feelings? (How could this happen to ME? What will I do without him/her/it?)

I read the obituaries and feel badly for the deceased and their families for as long as it takes me to read about them, then it's on to the comics. My lost dogs, I still morn. I must be some kind of an unfeeling, sick, weirdo moping more over dogs than people. I may well be an unfeeling, sick, weirdo, but not in this instance because I don't know those people, but my dogs were MY dogs. Their loss affected me personally.

Love, at its simplest, is a hard concept. It's both hard to define, hard to apply and often takes losing love's object to know we had love at all. Considering love as a selfish human emotion may be a hard notion to grasp, but it is easy to accept when you consider, after all, you are the Center of the Universe. (See previous lessons)

Lesson: Love thy neighbor for thy self.

FROM THE INSIDE OUT

2011-10-26T10:12:00.001-06:00

The medical profession is know for it but I believe every profession should accept it as their guiding principle. Truthfully, I believe it should be the guiding principle of life in general! "It" is: DO NO HARM.

Think about how much better everyone's life would be if each individual (who makes up everyone) did no harm? How much better would your time here on earth be if all people dedicated their lives to not harming themselves, their family, their community and their environment?

Shouldn't you dedicate your life to doing good? "Good" sounds like something you should be doing, but I believe first you do no harm, and if you have time left over, then you can do some good.

Imagine a twenty-four hour period where you do no harm to yourself; you eat all the appropriate food groups, sleep your eight hours, and exercise your mind and body. You treat each member of your family with honor, love and respect. You are a contributing member to your community, and you are gentle with the environment. Sounds like a full day eh? Once you've done all of that, you're now free to spend the rest of your day doing good, if there is any good left to be done.

Lesson: If we each take care of our self there will be nobody left to take care of.

LEST WE FORGET

2011-10-19T16:27:00.000-06:00

The elephant was mistreated. The elephant was rescued. The elephant was sent back to Botswanna. Years later the man who mistreated the elephant visited Botswanna. The mean man went walking in the jungle. The mistreated elephant came out of the jungle and squished the bad man like a bug.

Another elephant was sick. The good man fed the elephant oranges. The elephant got well and was sent home to South Africa. Years later other nice men wanted to help the elephant who had gotten sick again. The elephant wouldn't come out of the jungle for his medicine. The nice men sent for the good man. He came. The good man went to the edge of the jungle and held up an orange. The sick elephant came out for his medicine. The elephant got better. The end.

The lesson from these two stories is too simple to make any more complicated. If elephants, in these basically true stories, don't forget rights and wrongs done to them years ago, how much more grudge-carrying, debt-owing can we humans be?

I don't believe it's just your extraordinary human memory that remembers the good and the bad done to you. Remembrance goes deeper. Sometimes when there is a lot of energy around a criticism or a praise, it seeps in every molecule of your being. That memory becomes part of who you are and fundamentally changes you. You shed indignities and dignities in the short term, but at some level you, like an elephant, never forget.

This primal and permanent memory requires you be very selective with what you choose to let in. The choice you have of what to remember, and how strongly to remember it, differentiates you from Dumbo. (And also that trunk thing.)

Lesson: Be careful what you choose to remember because you'll never forget it.

IS THAT A FAT LADY SINGING?

2011-10-11T15:44:00.000-06:00

Since I am officially "the crazy guy down the road with all the dogs," I read with gusto the "Ask the Vet" column in the local newspaper. A couple of weeks ago the column taught me more than I expected to learn.

A 91-year-old man wrote in asking a question about his three-month-old puppy.

A man about 11 to 12 years past his expiration date taking in a puppy with an 11 to 12 year shelf life--I like the way that guy thinks.

Life went on before you arrived, and it will go on after you leave. You're responsible for not screwing it up while you're here. While he is here, the old man is living today as if he is going to be here tomorrow. How else should we live a life? The alternative is to live today as if it's your last day on earth. While you hear that as a positive from many motivational speakers the truth is if you knew this was your last day, you would probably spend the day making funeral arrangement, crying and sitting around waiting to be ambushed by the grim reaper. So, I think it's important we make plans for a tomorrow.

If you can't take it with you whenever you go, that must mean you leave it here. What are you leaving here? What are you leaving to grow, replenish and enrich the lives of those you leave behind?

The events of September 11, 2001 exposed us all to more reality than we asked for--the reality that life and all its ingredients are temporary. As all aspects of our daily lives appear less and less secure, there is a tendency to hunker down, circle the wagons and wait out the storm of life.

Truth is, our life, and our responsibility for enriching it, is no different now than it was on September 10, 2001

Before I read the vet's column, when we would pick up another dog, I would mentally do the math to see whether the dog or I would croak first. Why? Did I really think everything in the world would automatically destruct when I did?

Life is an ongoing process and that process will go on whether we're a part of it or not. People planting trees and gardens at their homes with a "For Sale" sign in the front yard, grandmas in graduate school, and grandpas with young puppies have the right idea.

Lesson: Your life is not over until you say it's over.

BJ AND ME

2011-10-02T16:24:00.000-06:00

BJ, an old buddy, came to my hotel room to join me in sipping at least one adult beverage.

I was glad this room belonged to the hotel and I was just using it for a couple of nights because the room was not user friendly.

[Excuse me when I go on a tangential tear. Doesn't it bug you
when things that really only have one purpose for existence
don't fulfill that purpose? I remember years ago buying a pair
of waxed shoe laces. The wax coating made the laces look great,
the only thing those great looking laces didn't do, because of
that very waxed coating, was stay tied. Laces that don't stay
tied, uncomfortable hotel rooms--interesting times in which we
live.]

Back to my particular guest-adverse hotel room: The only chair in the room wasn't near the only light, and the couch wasn't convenient for watching the TV. But it was the hotel's room, and they did seem to like it this way, so I put up with it.

BJ didn't.

He walked into the room, wet down his ice cubes, sat in the chair and without equivocation or hesitation said, "This is no good." He got up and moved the chair to the other side of the room, unplugged the lamp, set it next to the chair creating a nice, cozy reading area. Next he rearranged the top of the dresser altering the position of the TV to directly face the couch. I now had an acceptable room. My quality of life had, in some small way, improved. (No thanks to me.)

What was the difference between BJ's approach and mine? BJ assessed current reality, saw the options, had a vision of a more desirable future and took action. I, on the other hand, thought the way they set up the room was not fun but what can you do, that's life. After BJ's visit they won't have me to kick around anymore.

Lesson: Don't take things the way they are, take things the way you want them to be.

SHAKE IT UP BABY

2011-09-25T11:44:00.000-06:00

Things had gotten pretty darn quiet around the old dog ranch.

The dogs were into their routine; go out in the morning, perform their morning constitution, (I know what that means, but what does that mean?) bark at the horses, eat, sleep, get up and sniff other dog's constitutions, sleep, bark at the horses, and come in for the night only to start all over again in the morning. Pretty much same old, same old.

What can be said about your life, pretty much same old, same old?

Our dogs' well-ordered lives changed the day we brought home, Mugs, the puppy.

Mugs, a goofball hairball, was unaware of the routine. He knew nothing about letting sleeping dogs lie and would jump, lick and nip on the older members of the tribe all day and most of the night (when not enjoying one of his copious constitutions). When the old timers would attempt to get out of harm's way, lest they be licked, nipped and jumped upon to within an inch of their lives, Mugs, being a member of the herding group, would bite rapidly and repeatedly at their fleeing and flailing legs.

The sanctity of the older dogs' feeding dishes was also not honored, turning what used to be a tranquil scene of dogs enjoying a sumptuous meal of compressed corn, poultry and insect by products into a grade school cafeteria with the lunch room monitor missing. These daily inconveniences for the older dogs paled in comparison with the very real situation of rearranging tribal hierarchy. Our alpha dog had to reestablish his dominance; the previous omega dog, at least temporarily, moved up the pecking (literally) order; and the ones in the middle had to reshuffle.

The moment Mugs set his four big, uncoordinated feet on our property, our dogs' days had stopped being the same. Maybe it was for self-preservation, but the older dogs seemed to begin seeing the world through Mugs' eyes. There was a vibrant new life in every animal coupled with a new appreciation of everything around them. Mugs brought stimulating new smells, invigorating new activities, and exciting new relationships into a ho-hum "old" situation. I may be wrong, but if you catch him in the right light, since nutty Mugs arrived even our hound is smiling.

If you don't have a "Mugs" in your life, get one.

Lesson Embrace the crazy; it keeps you sane.

IMAGINE THAT

2011-09-18T14:50:00.000-06:00

I saw a nature special on TV showing cheetahs miss their prey nine out of ten times. We would be a bit short of cheetahs if they became immobilized just thinking about the length of grass, the heat, the humidity, the extraordinary speed of the antelope and all those giant biting flies that will be around to screw up the next hunt. What kind of National Geographic special would it be if after their seventh miss, the disillusioned cheetahs went back to their den all tigered out, and their fellow cheetahs laughed at them like a bunch of hyenas. Then they spent the rest of the day lion around, taking cat naps, looking like the missing lynx and feline incompetent. (Sorry, got carried away.)

A cheetah does not spend Monday worrying about Tuesday's hunt.

Human beings are the only of the universe's creations that worry about tomorrow's "hunt," because we are the only creatures that possess imagination. (Hooray for us?) Your imagination enables you to do incredible and marvelous things, but the active use of negative imagination can also send you to the home well before your time. Imagination is simply a picture you conjure up in your mind that has no reality attached to it. You conjure; you create. Does your imagination portray you succeeding, or in your mind's eye are you meeting your cellmate Buck for the first time?

When I was in grade school, I had this belief that anybody older than me could beat me up. I didn't know I had this belief until someone older than me beat me up. The Franklin twins did it (Names are changed to protect the innocent--me. After all, they're still older.) The twins, while there were obviously two of them, were only about 1/3 my size, but did I mention they were older?

Every lunch hour for months, I would go out to the playground, and take my expected verbal harassment and physical lumps from the vertically challenged, age-enhanced, double buggers. I'd go home after school, "knowing" what the next day would bring and blaming the little weasels for not only their wompping up on me in the immediate past, but also for a projected rotten evening I was sure to (make myself) have in the immediate future. I wrapped up a perfect victim's day by tossing in bed all night, wide awake, reliving in advance the certain terror that lay in store for me the very next day. (An uncheetah like activity.)

No amount of worry (negative imagination) on my part seemed to have any affect on the actions of the Franklins. (And they, unlike me, were well rested enough to carry out whatever dastardly deeds they devised.) What ever the double nut twins did to me physically was nothing like what I did to myself mentally. I turned my imagination, given me by the forces of good, over to the forces of evil.

I did it. I knew it. Shame on me. Better luck to you.

Lesson: Imagining the best can't hurt; imagining the worst can.

TREE

2011-09-10T10:38:00.000-06:00

A man with the chain saw was loose in the forest.

Our need for firewood, the density of the forest around our cabin, and the Forest Service's suggestion that we "thin out" to reduce fire danger, all combined to make me and my chain saw a busy pair.

I have never been big into killing living things. I will use a Dust Buster to suck up house insects and deposit them outside where nature intended them to be. So, I don't take cutting living trees lightly. But because of the above reasons, on many a weekend I put on my Paul Bunyon shirt, Paul Bunyon hat and gloves, petted my Blue Ox Babe and "Bunyonized" our little piece of the forest.

I must admit, some of the thinning out was done for the purposes of a better view from the deck. The other trees picked for execution were those that didn't "look right." Those trees were twisted, bent, too thin, too fat, basically not aesthetically pleasing. I know that doesn't sound like a caring, nature lover, but some cutting needed to be done and to me those were as good criteria as any.

But I didn't touch Barney.

Since I'm not very good at technical scientific tree names, for purposes of identification I'll call this particular tree, Barney. I usually try not to get friendly enough to name a tree I'm going to cut off the face of the earth, but I made an exception for Barney.

Barney met all the short-list criteria for cutting. He was thin, and at about three feet from the ground Barney took a ninety-degree turn. Imperfection of all imperfections, he was growing right outside a large picture window and in all his unmajestic glory, Barney obstructed our view.

I fired up the chain saw, pulled my safety glasses down off my Paul Bunyon hat looked at Barney, shut off the chain saw, put my glasses back up on my Paul Bunyon hat, and went inside to think.

I was determining which trees were perfect and which trees were not. Nature never makes that arbitrary distinction. Do I do the same thing with people? I'm afraid, all too often, I do. How about you? Do you look at people and judge them as too thin, too fat, or too "bent" in some way? I'm not saying you shouldn't judge, I doubt most of us will ever get to that high level of being where we are forever non judgmental, but how does that judgment affect your behavior toward the "imperfect" people?

I decided to leave Barney alone as a reminder to me how much more advanced Mother Nature was then I will ever be. She nurtured Barney just as she did her "perfect" trees.

Over the years we owned the cabin I was granted the privileged to watch Barney slowly and steadily straighten up, even when the heavy snows of winter tried to keep him down. I witnessed that scrawny stick fatten up the closer he got to the sun. He become a Barney to be proud of.

The day we moved out I took one last look over my shoulder at Barney, and I swear he winked at me.

Lesson: Ugly is in the eyes of the beholder.

WHO ME?

2011-09-01T15:31:00.000-06:00

When I was asked to write an article for a book on success stories, my first thought was "What can I contribute?" I haven't been trapped in a coal mine and saved 25 of my coworkers. I haven't been on a Super Bowl winning team, adopted ten handicapped children, triumphed over massive head injury or built a multi-million dollar international company from the ground up.

Not only haven't I done any of those things, I don't personally know anybody who would qualify as the classic "success" story. That thought discouraged me until I realized something might be wrong with the classic meaning of success.

A friend had told me he was having more fun ever since he rethought and redefined fun. I think it was time for me to rethink and redefine success.

I decided success is not about winning at sports, finance, business, social status, or overcoming adversity. Success is about each of us doing our best at what we think is important.

Since we all don't believe the same things are important, who is to say each life is or is not a success story? Only we know how far we've come and how far we want to go. We must not allow anyone else to determine our success.

My mother committed 24 hours a day to raising two, clean, God- fearing, vegetable-eating boys. My father was a policeman for 40 years. He kept his nose clean even though he had plenty opportunity to line his pockets with ill-gotten gains. Instead he worked three jobs to insure his children a better life than he had. Successes? You bet.

Millions of people everyday who go about their lives contributing to their community by doing an honest day's work, caring for their families, worshiping what's in their heart to worship, and being gentle to others and the environment are successes. The family across the street that takes in foster children, the man from the office who works with the elderly on the weekends, the friend who suffers illnesses courageously, people who leave the world just a little better than when they came - those should be our heroes. These people are our genuine success stories, and they are everywhere we look.

We each have within us an extraordinary success story. So what if nobody else wants to hear it or Reader's Digest won't print it. The stories are ours, and nobody can take away from us the successes we are when we're doing our best at what we feel is important. You may have wanted to be like the late Paul Newman and ended up more like Alfred E. but you're a a success if you are the best Alfred E. you can be.

Lesson: You're most successful when doing your best at what you feel is important.

THAT OLD GREEN MAGIC

2011-08-22T10:17:00.000-06:00

A man wakes up from a 20-year coma and calls his stockbroker. He asks the value of his $75 thousand worth of stock. The broker tells him $4 million. The man almost goes back into the coma. The computerized operator then comes on the line and says, "That will be $5 million for an additional three minutes."

What does money really mean?

When he was quite young, Grandma gave my older son, Tom, $2.00 to spend at the flea market. The first item he saw that intrigued him was a brand-spanking-newly minted dollar bill sold at the booth of a coin dealer. Tom liked the looks of the crisp, encased dollar bill. Though too young to do any serious collecting, he bought it for his $2.00.

As the day wore on and his fascination with the dollar bill wore off, he passed a booth selling toys. He saw a 60-cent squirt gun that looked better to him at that moment than the crisp, newly minted, encased dollar bill. He used the $2.00, $1.00 bill to buy the 60-cent squirt gun.

As we were driving home, my wife Jean and I mulled over the morning events and realized that Tom was not exhibiting the characteristics of a Warren Buffet (or maybe even a Jimmy Buffet for that matter). We, his sensible parents, had walked around a flea market for over two hours. We had seen many interesting items we would have liked to have, but being practical and business-like, we were going to save our money until we got well into our 90s -- then we could get whatever we wanted.

Now Tom, having parlayed his $2.00 to a 60-cent squirt gun with a few pennies left, did not demonstrate good business - not good business in the financial sense. But in the big-picture sense, Tom traded in money that has no value in itself and all day long had in his possession what to him did have value. His parents, on the other, hand drove home practical, business-like and empty-handed.

What good is our money, whatever the amount, if we don't have our squirt gun when we want it?

Lesson: A dollar saved is smart. A dollar spent is fun.

THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

2011-08-13T15:56:00.000-06:00

In a magazine article I read, the COO of an international corporation, said: "I don't talk to my people about employability, but about this being a career. It costs a lot of money to get consultants up to speed. I don't want people who work for a few years as a consultant, and then get a "real job" in a company HR department. We're looking for people who want to stay 15 or 20 years."

Mr. Rogers, can you spell baloney? This is the same hole we were all pushed in--then buried up to our necks with shovels full of downsizings.

Of course organizations want you to stay 15 or 20 years as long as they need your skills. As soon as they don't need them, hasta la vista, baby.

I don't blame the organizations for reprioritizing their skill needs. Out with the old in with the new makes perfect sense to stay competitive in today's rapidly changing world. Just 'fess up! Getting what organizations need and telling the truth are not two mutually exclusive concepts!

With the mobility higher skilled people possess, why do some executives continue to try to lure folks into a sense of false security? They must stop peeing on workers' legs and telling them it's rain.

Lesson: Organizations rent employee skills for as long as the organization needs those skills. Period.

SO MUCH TO DO AND SO LITTLE TIME

2011-07-31T16:38:00.000-06:00

I found a list of "to do" items in a book I took from my brother Bill's office. This would not have been an event worth remembering, much less writing about, if it hadn't been for the fact that I got the book when we were cleaning out Bill's office after his death.

A "to do" list for a person who has died set me to thinking. Listed were items in Bill's hectic, get-on-and-off-an-airplane, take-a-taxi, check-into-a-hotel, make-a-difference-in-others-lives, check-out, get-on-an-airplane, and start-all-over-again world. These were activities he believed he needed to accomplish to make his life and the lives of those he touched meaningful. Bill was, when you sort through all of the descriptors, a teacher.

While he was my younger brother, I followed him into the world of improving organizational performance by concentrating on the fulfillment and growth of each individual. Granted, I may not be very objective for many reasons, but I believe Bill's work was important. Bill gave it everything he had and was darn good at it. He took his work and his life seriously (a family trait), so those "to do" items were to Bill a real commitment. But to see them in the context of life and death definitely put "9 a.m. meet with Dean" into perspective.

In the past I have shared with you my philosophy of life -- "We're born, we die, and in between we do something." As simple as this philosophy is to understand, it takes most of us our entire time here on earth to figure out what that "something" is.

When Bill was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus (Warning: not taking consistent heartburn seriously may be harmful to continued life), we spent time together just talking. Talking about things other than business was something we hadn't done in years. (Warning: not taking consistent time out with someone you love may be harmful to who you are.) I had recently read an article in Reader's Digest on 50 things the author wanted to do before she died. I told Bill that I couldn't think of more than two or three things that I wanted to do. Bill felt the same way. This meant that we had either done everything (which we knew was not the case), or our "possibility genes" had atrophied.

Over time, when you take life too seriously, and your "to do" list gets too long, you close out all other possibilities. You're born, you work on your "to do" list, then you die. If you don't fancy that as your epitaph, what are you doing to change it? Because of some errant cells, Bill and Ardele lost a devoted son, Joan lost a loving husband, I lost my brother/friend and you lost -- Bill.

In his life he taught thousands of people how to work. In his death, he taught me how to live. Adios, my friend.

Lesson: If you don't live a life, you don't have a life.

THE PICTURE OF YOUR LIFE

2011-07-23T15:37:00.000-06:00

God's a real kidder. He consistently gives us a 30-hour fill on our daily to-do list yet aligned our planet into a 24-hour day.

What to do? What to do? Do we do what we want to do (also know as fun)? Do we do what we have to do (also know as work)? What about a combination?

Most people, for the sake of their own sanity, pick a combination. But how much of each? What we want to do (fun), all too often doesn't bring in enough money to feed the dogs. What we have to do (work), isn't always, well ---- fun.

Life balance is in the mix.

Genuine, honest-to-goodness, wouldn't-trade-with-anybody, life balance is in the mix of the various aspects of our human existence (Spiritual, Family, Social, Financial, Emotional, Physical and Intellectual)

Seven aspects divided by 24 hours means we must then devote approximately three hours and 45 minutes daily to each aspect to have a truly well balanced life, right? Except for the truly anal, of course not. Life balance must be more like Webster's New World Dictionary definition of balance: pleasing harmony of various elements...; harmonious proportions as in a painting.

"Harmonious proportions as in a painting" -- I like that. We're all busy slapping colors on our life's canvas. A little bit of family blue, a touch of social mauve, just a smidgen of intellectual gray, and since we're all not painting the same picture, maybe for us just a little dab of financial green in the corner will make the picture we want. But how do we know how much green and should it even be green?

The key to a well-balanced life is knowing the proper proportions. And we can't know the proportions until we know what want the picture to be. Too many folks today are diligently, doggedly, daily painting without the foggiest idea what they want the end result to look like, and then blaming the picture for turning out as it does.

What do you want your life picture to look like?

Lesson: The choice of how your life is balanced will be made. If you don't choose the "proportions," then something else will.

ALL OF LIFE'S A CIRCLE

2011-07-16T12:43:00.000-06:00

Our dogs and the dogs on the next property are separated by a fence and united by a desire to run the fence line barking at each other. Up and back, back and up, until their hairy legs get tired, their barkers wears thin and their concentration fades.

Fence running was the one doggy game Lucky enjoyed even as he was getting close to the end of his life. In this one game he thought he was a puppy again. As the other dogs, ten to twelve years younger than Lucky, took off like greased lightening, Lucky took off like frozen peanut butter.

The pack would run the entire length of the fence with Lucky a minimum of fifty feet behind, but then the god that looks out for old dogs and children would take over. As the pack approached the end of the fence and turned to run back, the sun would shine, the birds would sing and there was Old Luck at his glory fifty feet in the lead.

Lesson: Sometimes you get so far behind you're ahead.

IS THAT YOU?

2011-07-10T09:45:00.000-06:00

You slowly and luxuriously awaken on this Monday, a picture perfect, spring morning. The sun gushes in through the half open blinds. The smell of fresh country air blends with the cheerful chirping of the morning birds. Everything is right with the world, or is it? Among all this serenity and splendor something doesn't feel right. Then it hits you smack between your well rested eyes. It's not right! You meant to set the alarm for 5:30 am and it's now 8:30! (What a dope I am!)

You rush into work all disheveled, no time to put your facial self together and a coworker says, "You look like the south end of a north bound sheep." (What a mess! I don't look good even when I'm "heveled".)

All day is one gigantic screw up after another culminating in a long talk with a short boss over your very recent performance. (What a knucklehead! Another day like this one and I'm out on the street)

On the way home you remember you need gas as the car chugs to a stop on the freeway during rush hour. (I'd better get some gas because I'm too stupid to walk.)

Tuesday Morning: You wake up ten minutes before the alarm with the answer to the marketing problem you've been facing all week. (Pretty sharp somebody I am)

While simultaneously putting together the best omelet you have ever made, you correctly answer the quiz on the radio, winning an all expense paid trip to Las Vegas. (Vegas, start packing up the money, here I come.)

The elephantine error the boss thought you made at work yesterday was, in fact, not an error but the solution to all of the department's budget woes. (I wonder when my raise will come through?)

On the elevator, a coworker you have had your eye on for months enters and presses the "close door' button to be alone with you and tells you what a hotty you are. (It doesn't get much better than this.)

Which day was the real you, Monday or Tuesday?

Lesson: You are never as good as your best days or as bad as your worst days.

HI, HO, HI, HO

2011-07-02T15:14:00.000-06:00

Work has been described as something you have to do and play as something you want to do. But the distinction is not always that clear cut.

What is work and what is play? Are there times you're more tense and strung out on vacation than on the job?

Have you had times you would rather be in a performance review with the boss than playing a friendly game of horseshoes at the in-law family reunion? (The preceding was an extreme example.)

To muddy up the meaning of work and play even more, your want to (play) may well be someone else's have to (work). Speaking in public was my "want to," and considering it's one of the top fears of adults, I can only assume it would fit snugly in most people's "have to" category.

Activities are activities and just that. What beliefs you bring to those activities determine whether for you they're work or play. If the activity exhilarates you, if for you it's full of excitement rather than excrement, what do you care if it's called work or play?

Lesson: Work is not always work, play is not always play, and the lucky ones can't tell the difference.

THE BIG GOOD BYE

2011-06-24T15:55:00.000-06:00

I envy Tiny Tim. (The "singer," not the Christmas Carol Kid.)

Yes, I mean that 60s, long-haired, falsetto who tiptoed through the tulips and married Miss Vicki on the Johnny Carson show.

Tiny was performing in a room full of his fans in Minneapolis when he died of a massive heart attack.

So where does the envy part come in?

In an interview after Tiny tipped his last toe, his wife summed up the experience by saying, "He died singing Tiptoe Through the Tulips. The last thing he heard was applause, and the last thing he saw was me."

Herbert (Tiny Tim ) Khaury died doing what he loved, being rewarded for doing what he loved and lying in the arms of the one he loved. Neat eh?

I envy Tiny Tim.

Lesson: Even a mediocre performance can be salvaged by a classy exit.

THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE

2011-06-16T16:06:00.000-06:00

Meditating doesn't necessarily require staring at a crystal while sitting in the lotus position, humming a mantra in the red rocks of Sedona, Arizona.

If that works, fine. But meditating, while having many meanings, to me means simply sitting still for a minimum of 15 minutes, breathing correctly and deeply, listening to what I have to say to myself.

How many people do you know spend 15 minutes a day to just "be," sitting back and letting what happens, happen? I know, we're all too busy. When can you find an uninterrupted 15-minute block of time what with the bosses, unreasonable requests, the kids' soccer practices, walking the dog and can't miss TV?

As hard as it might sound, taking personal time is possible. Mahatma Gandhi meditated for 24 hours straight once a week, and he seemed to get other things accomplished. (Of course he was the boss, not a soccer mom, and the cell phone reception was lousy.)

You may not see yourself as having the mental discipline of Gandhi, but why don't you even take a shot at it? Could it be when you're alone, eyes closed, breathing deeply, your conscious mind disengages and you access your subconscious mind and unasked questions begin to float to the surface? Questions such as:

"Am I growing and having fun on my job?"

"Are my relationships rewarding and full of mutual satisfaction?"

"Is my life playing out the way I thought it would?"

"OK enough of that," you say. "Let's turn on the radio and the TV, and call somebody on the phone while waiting for the computer to boot up"

As Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician and philosopher, said, "All man's miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone." If meditation is so helpful, what is the real reason so many people don't take this beneficial time alone? Could it be they don't like the company?

Lesson: You have the answer; listen quietly for the question.

LET US SPRAY

2011-06-09T16:11:00.000-06:00

Jean and I had a log cabin in the Jemez Mountains of New Mexico. It was a place we used to get away from the hustle and bustle of big city Albuquerque. Like anything else worthwhile, it required maintenance. Log maintenance required wood preservative.

To apply the preservative we decided to use a sprayer. Spraying the preservative was basically spraying oil in a windstorm, a disgustingly nauseating, but necessary, task.

I wore goggles, carried the heavy, unwieldy and sticky sprayer and covered myself from head to toe to keep the spray off any part of my body. Next I took a deep breath and sprayed for as long as I, or the sprayer, lasted. Then it was time to pump the sprayer, take a deep breath and go at it again.

After a few rounds I realized I needed to step back and take a time out. I needed time to see that the job was coming out the way I wanted.

I asked myself:

"Have I covered everything I want to cover?"

"Is what I'm doing making a difference?"

"Is it OK to move on?"

What about the big "spray job" of life? Might you need to step back, take a time out. Do you need time to see that everything is coming out the way you wanted?

Ask yourself:

"Have I covered everything I want to cover?"

"Is what I'm doing making a difference?"

"Is it OK to move on?"

Lesson: Life, like a log cabin, requires maintenance.

ME ME ME

2011-06-01T10:31:00.000-06:00

You are the Center of the Universe.

A poem I once read said the least important word in the English language is the word "I." Balderdash! "I" is the most important word. The popular saying, "It's not about you," couldn't be more incorrect. It's all about you. How about "No man is an island?" Another dash of balder, of course we are each "islands." No one, and I mean no one, on this earth cares about what happens to you as much as you do. That's all right, after all you are the Center of the Universe.

Skeptics read on.

When people tell you they feel "good," did you ever wonder what their "good" is like? If you were in their body and felt the way they feel when they feel "good," might you be tempted to dial 911?

What does it feel like to them when people tell you they are in pain, hungry or sad. You know how it feels to you when you're in pain. You know what goes on in your innards when you're hungry and in your mind when you're sad. But do others twinge in the same places as you twinge? Are others grabbed in the same place you're grabbed?

You are the Center Of The Universe. Everything that happens in the world is given meaning by you based on your experiences and beliefs. Fred tells you he feels good, you immediately "know" how Fred feels based on how you feel when you feel good. How else could you possibly interpret Fred's condition?

When you walk down the theater aisle to your pricey, front-row seat, the people on your left you would call, "The people on my left." When you leave the theater, the people that you called "the people on my left," would now accurately be called, "The people on my right." The people didn't change sides during the play, but they did in relation to you.

Every way you view the world is in relation to you. Therefore you must be the "center," correct?

Being the Center of the Universe carries with it good news and bad news:
Good news--you're always right
Bad news--the rest of the world doesn't always believe the good
news. (The trick here is to realize that everyone else is also the Center of the Universe!)

You will have made a giant leap forward in living a less stressful and more rewarding life when you realize the truths in life you hold as indisputable are made up by you, judged by you, defended by you, and can therefore be changed by you.

Lesson: Contrary to popular parental precepts, the world does revolve around you.

STRAIGHT FROM THE GURU'S MOUTH

2011-05-24T12:16:00.000-06:00

There I was, working from seven in the morning to seven at night and still not getting everything done. I was losing heart as quickly as I was losing ground. No matter if I worked the 12 hours or quit in two hours, there was so much to do I'd never get it done anyway. My job might as well have been emptying the ocean with a bucket.

I was discouraged, disillusioned and just plain tired. I needed some time management help.

Attending seminars, reading books and absorbing videos only put me further behind. Then while watching a documentary on TV (when I probably should have been doing something else), I heard the answer to my problem.

The answer came from that well-know, world-renowned, time management guru -- Arnold Schwartznegger. (We have learned recently just how he was using his "free" time.)

Arnold was telling a story of how in the past when he was a body building champion he was having difficulty finishing his workouts in the 2 1/2 hours he had allotted. They always ran longer. He (unlike me) was aware of the reason. He was a very gregarious person and would get to talking to others in the workout room, and his time would be up before his muscles were.

So Arnold's solution was to set a time limit. In 2 1/2 hours he would be done. There would be no staying longer to finish what he had not accomplished. That provided him with definitive criteria with which to make a decision. "Do I talk to Franco or finish my workout?" Either-or, he didn't have time for both. This worked for Mr. S.

I then decided to apply the Schwartznegger technique. I went to work at 7 a.m. but set 5:30 p.m. as quitting time. Then when a coworker would come to the office and inquire if I had a few minutes, I would ask myself "Could I meet with her and still get out at 5:30?" If so, the meeting was on. If not, we scheduled for the next day. Previously to my Arnold fix, I would have said yes, then added the extra time on the end of the day.

When you view your time as elastic there is a tendency to try to cram 30 hours of work in a 24 hour day. Set logical, attainable expectations, establish a time limit, and stick to it. The ocean may not get emptied, but you'll sure feel better about it.

Thanks, Arnold. You should have stayed with pumping iron.

Lesson: Time is life's currency; spend it selfishly.

TODAY LING-LING SAT ON A PIE

2011-05-17T16:51:00.000-06:00

In 1972 the People's Republic of China presented a treasured gift to the people of the United States,

This unique gift was presented to then President Richard Nixon when he visited China in 1972.

This cherished gift was bestowed as a gesture of peace and harmony to our esteemed Leader.

This beloved gift made its home in The National Zoo in Washington DC.

This rare gift was a pair of giant pandas, Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing

In 1992 to celebrate 20 years in this country, the prized gifts of Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing each were given their favorite treat, Sweet Potato pie.

Ling-Ling, the treasured, unique, cherished, beloved, rare and prized gift bestowed to solidify the relations of two great countries, in all his majesty...

sat on his pie.

Lesson: Sometimes you just gotta do what comes natural.

OH YOU POOR BABY...

2011-05-04T09:57:00.000-06:00

Imagine you arrive home about an hour later than usual. You drop your coat on the floor and yourself on the couch. With a concerned look, your politically correct spouse/partner/significant other/companion, observes your glazed appearance and says, "We have to talk. These last couple of months you have been especially uncommunicative with me and the kids. You've been argumentative with the neighbors. You do little else but stare at the TV, and half of the time it's not even on! And you're drinking more than you ever have. What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong. My boss won't get off my back; customers are constantly complaining; policies keep changing; rumors about reorganizing are running wild; and all my coworkers have bad attitudes. It's a jungle out there that's why I'm the way I am."

Your s/p/so/c responds, "Oh, you poor baby, have a glass of wine and relax."

"Thank you," you say with a slump and sigh.

Now let's change the scene a bit. You go home at night about an hour later than usual. And drop your coat on the floor and yourself on the couch. Your s/p/so/c comes over to you and says, "We have to talk. These last couple of months you have been especially uncommunicative with me and the kids. You've been argumentative with the neighbors. You do little else but stare at the TV, and half of the time it's not even on! And you're drinking more than you ever have. What's wrong?"

"This time you respond, "I'll tell you what's wrong. My boss won't get off my back; customers are constantly complaining; policies keep changing; rumors about reorganizing are running wild; and all my coworkers have bad attitudes. So I'm choosing to be this loser you see slumped over on the couch. Could you get me another drink please?"

If you do get another drink, it's a good bet that for telling the truth you'll have to get that drink yourself!

Lesson: When you make others responsible you get sympathy, when you make yourself responsible you get control.

BETTER SORRY THAN SAFE

2011-04-23T10:49:00.000-06:00

I was in my garage workout room. I had the door open a few feet to let in some air, and the open door also let in our five-year-old neighbor David. I was riding my stationary bike, and David had never seen a stationary bike. He had just learned to ride his two wheeler and had recently removed the training wheels. He had scrapes on his face as proof of that premature act.

He watched me peddling furiously for a couple of minutes and said, "Tom (he's a modern kid), what's that?" I told him, "It's a bike, Dave, but not like your bike. I don't fall off of this one, don't have to ride out in the hot sun, and don't get splashed after a rain. It's neat, isn't it?" He replied, "Yeah, but you're not going anywhere!" (Out of the mouths of babes!) "Sure, Dave, but I'm safe."

Always playing safe is breaking even at the casinos by only playing the change machine. Lots of excitement, commotion, and activity but not much reward.

A sure way to be safe is to never try anything new, but never trying sharply reduces your learning. You're also not advancing toward success, not growing, and not having nearly as much fun as you could have.

Picture this scenario: You're 120 years old sitting in the Old Employees' Home. You're gumming a bagel. At that point in your life would you be most upset over projects you tried that didn't work out or projects that you would like to try but feel you're too old to do? Sure, research and common sense backs up the latter.

During a break at one of my programs, I was speaking to a man who told me a truly disheartening story. He was about 65 years old. He and his older sister were the only ones left in the family. Getting together was infrequent. The last time they began talking about why they don't keep in better touch, they both came to the realization that why they don't write to each other is because both lacked confidence in their spelling and punctuation! When they're 120 years old, what will be more important, their relationship or winning the inter-family spelling bee?

What would you be doing, or not doing, in your personal and/or professional life if you didn't always play safe? What would you be doing if you didn't care about what others thought and if you fully understood the benefits of failure what projects, ideas might you implement? When you're retired from your job, what will you have wished you had done before you left? What are you doing now to make that happen?

Lesson: "Safe" may be a desirable destination, but safe is not where most of us are headed.

FEAR -- A VIABLE OPTION

2011-04-12T10:40:00.000-06:00

In Mel Brooks' classic comedy skit, The 2000 Year Old Man, Carl Reiner, asks the old man what the major form of transportation was 2000 years ago. The old man answers, "Fear!"

Fear has been given a bum rap.

Fear keeps you going -- going to a job you might not like, going with a relationship that's less than rewarding, going to the health food store and going to the gym. Fear provides the "transportation" from things you don't want -- unemployment, loneliness, illness, and fat. Not to want something to happen is as good a motivator as to want something to happen. Fear motivates as effectively as desire.

Without good honest fear you'd be quitting your job at the slightest provocation, ending relationships the moment the toothpaste tube is squeezed in the middle, and stuffing down fried peanut butter and honey sandwiches on white bread during an eight hour stint on the couch.

Fear in the proper doses keeps you on the straight and narrow -- but you can overdose on this potentially good thing. Too much fear and you don't do what needs to be done -- leaving the job or the relationship that's draining you, using your leisure time doing the things you enjoy doing.

Fear, both healthy and unhealthy, drives your actions. Where does such a powerful force of nature come from? You're not born carrying a file folder full of fears. Fear is a learned emotion. You learn to fear everything you fear (except fears of falling, loud noises, and a legislature in session). What you have learned, you can unlearn. Unfortunately, when it comes to our fears, we tend to learn quickly and unlearn slowly.

You can't fear the past. Fear is a future thing, and since the future is all in your head, fear must be a head thing.

You're responsible for allowing in your head the amount of fear that stops you from crossing a busy street blindfolded and for blocking out the fear that keeps you in the house altogether. A rich, exciting, and vibrant life is the balance between productive and destructive fears -- your choice.

Lesson: Fear doesn't come as part of the human package, you add it as an option.

MR. FIX-IT

2011-03-30T10:40:00.000-06:00

In 1985 Jean and I moved from Chicago to Albuquerque, New Mexico. That was a great year. The next year the kids found us. Our excitement tapered off a bit, but we still knew the Southwest was for us. When we arrived in Albuquerque, we bought a house and had a swimming pool installed.

We had our pool, deck chairs, table, umbrella and pool toys, but something was missing -- a shelf. We needed a shelf mounted outside of the kitchen window. On that shelf we could put party items like blue corn chips with salsa and being health nuts, the juice of several margaritas.

We asked our neighbors for a recommendation for someone to furnish and install the shelf. Their recommendation -- Mr. Fix-It. Despite the dorky name, we gave him a call. An appointment was set.

Mr. Fix-It arrived, right on time, and much to my surprise (the first of many), Mr. Fix-It, the handyman/carpenter, was dressed like my version of an English professor. I explained our shelf needs and asked for an estimate.

As we walked around to the backyard, Fix (I felt I knew him well enough by that time to call him by his first name) asked me more questions about how we use a backyard than the real estate agent asked during the entire home-buying process. He took measurements, asked a few more questions, and gave me an estimate.

Since I didn't want to seem too easy, I said I'd get back to him with our answer. As a result of his previous probing questions, he got me thinking about other things, like where we were going to store the chemicals, hoses, covers, all the miscellaneous pool paraphernalia. Really into this spending money thing, I asked him for an estimate on a couple of additional cabinets.

Consider how a man calling himself a handyman/carpenter might react to that "buying signal." Fix said, "Mr. Payne, you told me you have not enjoyed a summer by your pool as yet, so I would like to make a suggestion. Before you invest additional money in cabinets, spend a summer, use your backyard, and use your pool. After you have lived with what you have for a season, if you still feel you would like cabinets, you'll have a better idea of how many and where they would be most conveniently located."

I told him waiting to order additional cabinets sounded perfectly logical (although unexpected from a handyman/carpenter), and we would be getting back to him on the shelf quote.

As we walked to his van, I saw the reason for Mr.Fix-It's rather unconventional behavior. On the side of his van in large letters read: Mr. Fix-It. That, of course, was no surprise, but under the large letters was written the reason Mr. Fix-It showed up exactly on time, the reason he dressed and spoke as he did, the reason he asked the questions he did, the reason he responded to my not-too- well-thought-out request as he did, and the reason I'm writing this story. The entire message read:

Mr. Fix-It
Adjustments to Human Environment

Mr. Fix-It didn't see himself as a handyman/carpenter, he saw himself as an "adjuster of human environment" and behaved as someone committed to adjusting human environment would behave. How might he have behaved if on the side of his van was written:

Mr. Fix-It
Net $100,000 This Year

If he believed his purpose to be netting $100,000 this year, you can bet I would have had cabinets over every square inch of the backyard that wasn't water!

Lesson: In the long run you will act in harmony with what you believe. Be
sure you know what you believe.

THE FUTURE DOESN'T THE PAST MAKE

2011-03-22T12:06:00.000-06:00

You can only experience things for the first time once.

The reason for that obvious and gnarly statement is that you can never approach something "clean" the second time around. Through filters of the first time is the way you "reapproach" any person, place, event or experience. You apply to all areas of your life a future that's based on the past.

How do you know if future changes in your life will benefit you or cause you to slobber uncontrollably on your shirt? In truth you don't KNOW, but you have a definite belief based on your prior experiences.

Since viewing your future through the lens of the past is natural, it's worth taking a good look at what beliefs from your past life (lives?) you're allowing to create that future. Your past beliefs have gotten you to where you are. Your beliefs are and should be a major input into future decisions. However your beliefs can not, and should not, be firmly locked in concrete like Jimmy Hoffa.

Think of your beliefs as a wall of safety deposit boxes--all yours.

These boxes are different from the standard, bank-assigned, safe-deposit boxes. They do not contain your run-of-the-mill odds and ends like stock certificates, rare coins, wills, and one half million in unmarked bills. These boxes contain something important. They contain your beliefs.

Each box contains a past belief you hold concerning a specific issue. When your present life's experiences lead you to a new belief concerning that issue, and you go to store the new belief, you quickly realize the box is not big enough for two conflicting beliefs so you toss out your past belief, and deposit your current, new belief.

This concept of conflicting beliefs is worth expanding upon. You cannot hold two conflicting beliefs at the same moment. Your "boxes" are just not big enough. And since the belief you choose to deposit, old or new, drives your future behaviors, which ultimately drive your life's results, which belief you choose to stuff in your metaphorical safe-deposit box is a critical choice.

Lesson: The past got you to where you are now, but it doesn't have to take you to where you're going.

LEARNER, LEARNER YOUR FUTURE'S ON FIRE

2011-03-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

Peanuts cartoon:

The character, Rerun, was hiding under a bed. Lucy asked if he's coming to school. Rerun said "no" because, he exclaimed, the teacher was sarcastic to him. The teacher had asked him if he thought he had "learned everything he needed to know." Lucy, being Lucy, queried "Well, do you think you've learned everything you need to know?" Rerun replied, "I think I've learned everything I need to know to live under a bed."

Rerun's philosophy, at this stage of his young life appears to be, "If I'm going to live under a bed for the rest of my life, what is the sense of learning anything more? Logical, but somewhat flawed, thinking

Maybe today all he needs to learn is what's necessary to live "under a bed," but tomorrow he may find himself "under a dresser." Does he know how to live under a dresser, or does he only have "under the bed" skills?

I remember attending a then live concert by the now dead Jim Croce.

He was a gifted songwriter, minstrel and between-songs philosopher. That evening he spoke of his college experiences and said, "During four years of college I took philosophy, psychology, sociology, all of these "ologies," and I came out totally prepared for life in the 12th century."

If you don't learn how to learn, you will be, just as surely as the terminally inconvenienced Mr. Croce or the dust bunny covered Rerun, preparing for life under a bed in the 12th century. You'll find yourself able to function quite well in a world that has ceased to exist.

For those who use statistics to generate personal excitement, try these: 95 percent of what you use daily is learned after you leave school. Every five years 50 percent of what you know becomes obsolete. Doesn't say much for stagnant learning does it?

If you don't buy those statistics, and believe you have all the education you'll ever need with your high school, college or college plus degrees, try this little exercise. Dredge up the report card from your last year of formal education. See if you even remember taking a particular course, much less what was taught in that class. How would you do if you took a test today on the material you were exposed to in your last year of school?

With the high obsolescence rate of your knowledge you obviously can't rely on "used learning." Therefore continuous learning is critical at all stages of life. But of the gabillion things there are to learn, what specifically do YOU need to learn? Selective learning is no easy task considering you have very little idea of what you should select to learn.

No matter how well you have planned your life, your life has a life of its own and that life is full of surprises of all sizes. What do you need to learn when your spouse runs off with the circus? Didn't plan on that I bet. How about a job loss; quadruplets; lottery winning; hemorrhoids; aging?

It is one heck of a challenge to prepare for a life that has never been lived before. Will life hide you under the bed or stick you on the top shelf?

Lesson: Learn something everyday; you're never sure what you'll need to know or when you'll need to know it.

IS GOOD GOOD ENOUGH?

2011-03-03T16:52:00.000-07:00

Growing up in a middle-class neighborhood, getting B- grades in school, being chosen 5th out of 11 for the block football team, being promoted with peers, being in the top 40 percent in income, having 2.5 children, living in a house costing $10,000 more than the median.

That's all good, right? Yes, but that much good can be bad.

When what you have is desired by 3/4 of the world's population, your drive to improve is weakened, because not much more is expected of you. If as a kid you were consistently picked 11 out of 11, a desire may have been triggered to "show them" by improving so to became more wanted by the others. Or you might say, "the heck with it," and never play football again. Being picked 5th is good -- good enough.

When making $5000 more in yearly income than you ever dreamed you would make is good, where is the incentive to exceed your dream by even more? It takes significant effort and energy to move to the next level in life. When you are hurting, miserable and down, that effort becomes worth making. When your life is "good," that effort is often seen as not worth expending.

Frequently in stories of successful people, we read of their disadvantaged background or possibly they came from great wealth and managed to keep and/or increase their fortune. How much do you read about successful people who started out just a tad above average? Either they don't make good copy or there are not too many of them.

I believe climbing to the top from the bottom is easier than climbing from the middle to the top.

Lesson: The major obstacle to being great tomorrow is being good today.

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF DOGS

2011-02-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

Our big, old Lab Lucky loved to chase rabbits. This dog chasing rabbits was not as pretty a picture as you might think. Lucky had heart disease, a severely enlarged heart (in more ways than one) which was not working well enough to pump waste fluids from his body. The vet, in telling us about the situation, said Lucky probably should rest as much as possible. We decided not to share that news with Lucky and let him do what comes naturally. He wanted to chase rabbits. We knew that he may die doing just that, but meanwhile he would enjoy his life. His body may place limitations on him in the future, but in the present his dog brain was not telling him he "can't."

Animals, being a lower form of being than humans (in most cases), know precisely what they can and can't do--"I can lick myself all over, but I can't drive a car in heavy traffic."

"Can't" is a contraction for can not, which literally means impossible. We all have many reasons we can't. Some of our "can'ts" are actualities-- mental or physical impossibilities like that licking all over thing. Others have no basis in reality. Have you ever heard anyone say "Oh! I can't drive in heavy traffic." Chances are they can, the truth is they choose not to.

The Luckys of this world can be a reminder to us to separate the real impossibilities from the limitations we place on ourselves just to keep comfortable and safe. Remember there is no complete comfort or safety, but there is a lot of fun, excitement and thrills to be missed when we mistakenly substitute "I can't" for "I don't choose to."

I have noticed over the years that, beside can't, there are other words thankfully missing from our horses', dogs' and cats' vocabulary. Power depleting words and phrases like; "Never," "It's not fair," "Have to," "That's just me," "I've always been that way," I can't help it," and "That's just my nature."

We humans are the only ones of God's creatures who not only know their limitations but will also limit themselves without any logical reason to do so.

While Lucky has since chased his last rabbit over the Rainbow Bridge we know one thing, we can forget him we just don't choose to.

Lesson: "I can't" is a contraction in life as well as in language.

BURNT BY THE MIDNIGHT OIL

2011-02-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

Does it seem like the light at the end of the tunnel is painted on?

Long hours at work were never a problem for the majority of workers I've known. They were willing to give of their "free" time to help the organization through some tough periods. That was then, this is now.

The 10 to 12 hour days will not last. But rather than going back to eight hours (the light at the end of the tunnel), the time is more likely to go to 14. Why?

In a survey quoted in USA TODAY, people were asked why they are working more hours today than they worked five years ago. The answers: 38 percent said it was "expected of them," 37 percent said they "enjoyed it" (God bless them), and 25 percent said there's "more work to do." I may be naive, but shouldn't "more work to do" account for 100%? If there's not more work to do, what do they expect you to do and what is it you enjoy doing?

I'm willing to go out on a limb here and say that the majority of people who consistently work long hours are doing so because they are afraid. Workers are afraid of the negative consequence leaving work and getting home at a decent hour will have on their performance appraisal, and ultimately their security. Organizations, relying on this twisted thought process, with an eye on the bottom line, would be foolish not to continue to push for 14 hours of work for eight hours of pay.

If you identify with anything you just read, commit to take control of your existence now before burnout rots the very foundation of your personal life and robs your organization of its most creative, dedicated, loyal and bottom-line-enhancing resource -- [fill in your name].

Lesson: Work when there is work to be done. Play when there is play to be done.

WAS PLEASURE, IS PAIN

2011-02-04T13:22:00.000-07:00

Think of your cute, little, seven-year-old, darling self.

In your memory, were you happier, more spontaneous, more creative, innovative, honest, more trusting, more self confident than you are now? Were you less tense, less anxious, less skeptical, less frustrated, less concerned with change or failure? Were you less stressed?

What happened?

Remember, as a kid, the fun of the first, big snowfall, holidays, birthdays, vacations? Do you enjoy them as much since you've become your big, old, mature self?

What happened? Life happened.

You learned the big snowfall brings snow shoveling and traffic jams. Holidays bring family out of the woodwork and the closet. Vacations, you do double work before, double work after, spend the first half winding down and the last half gearing up.

Through these experiences of your life you've learned to react differently to events than you might have reacted the first time you experienced them. It's important to remember, the events didn't change. Snow is snow, holidays are holidays and vacations are vacations.

Which reactions then are correct? Are snowfalls, holidays, vacations a scourge from hell or a blessing from heaven? Yes, and they don't give a rat's which way you view them!

Events just are. If at one point they were acceptable to you, and now they're not acceptable, it's obvious the event didn't change; you did. You have learned and chosen to let events over which you have little or no control drive you nuts. If you don't like now what you did like then and continue to do what you don't like now and did like then, you've got work to do.

If you want to get back the pure childish pleasure you felt when you first experienced snow, holidays and vacations and the like, you have to "unlearn" the bad and remember the good.

An old East Indian saying: "All the struggle to learn and all we have to do is remember." Pretty clever old East Indian, eh?

Lesson: Events have no feelings attached to them; that's your job.

WHAT WILL THEY SAY?

2011-01-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

A TV report about a tragic accident at a local high school got me to thinking.

A student crossing the street in front of the school was hit and killed by a car driven by another student. In an attempt to boost ratings by appealing to the morbid curiosity of the general public, the reporter stuck a microphone in the shocked faces of the grieving student witnesses and asked them to describe their friend who had just been killed. The curious answers were, "He was very respectful. He wasn't the kind who'd try to start fights. He would just try to get along and be nice." And, "He was your basic, all-around student. He wasn't into drugs or anything".

Do those on-the-spot eulogies sound strange?

"He was a great kid. He wasn't a mass murder or anything."

Maybe it's just me, but I don't expect a kid to start fights or to do drugs. Are antisocial behaviors so much a part of our young people's world that people are defined by their absence? Is our society at a point when someone abstains from deviant behavior, we find that newsworthy?

The words used to describe people may say as much about the times we live in as the people we're describing. What will they say about you when you're moving on to life--phase 2?

"He was a good guy, never cheated on his income taxes and almost never cheated on his wife."

"She was a loyal employee, didn't lie or steal hardly anything."

"What a great cousin, never knocked my teeth down my throat with a baseball bat."

Lesson: Be so much there is little room for what you're not.

A MURPHY METAPHOR MOMENT

2011-01-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

Murphy, the dog, liked to hike with us in the mountains. Murphy also liked to jump in mud up to his neck and accompanied by the inevitable sucking sound, Murphy would leap out and rapidly roll in the nearest pile of fresh animal droppings. In that "earthy" condition, Murphy would come up to us, eyes caked and twinkling, begging to be petted. Murphy was a dog oblivious to the theory of cause and effect, among many other things.

Unfortunately Murphy is not the only animal struggling with cause and effect. This is a concept seeming very difficult to grasp for the human animal also. Examples from my sparsely populated home state of New Mexico:

o A lady in Albuquerque spilled hot coffee in her lap, sued McDonalds and was awarded $2 million plus which was eventually reduced to approximately $600,000. (What would you spill in your lap for $600,000? Battery acid comes to my mind.)

o A former medical student sued University of New Mexico contending the school, under the Americans With Disabilities Act, didn't make reasonable accommodations for his disability. His disability -- test anxiety! His suit stated he suffers from an anxiety disorder. (A doctor with an anxiety disorder?)

o A gambler (apparently not a very good one) sued the Indian gaming casinos for loss of his money and his marriage. Said he couldn't resist gambling so the casinos shouldn't have been there to tempt him.

o A high school football player was arrested for running 35 yards across the field and blindsiding a referee who had tossed him out for unsportsmanlike conduct only minutes before. The boy's mother explained to the press her son was not at fault; it was the fault of the authorities who let him play when he was tired.

For all too many people, they do everything to create the cause and fight with every ounce of their strength against accepting the inevitable effect their cause created. You spill coffee, you get burned, You flunk enough tests, you fail. You gamble long enough, you lose. You cold cock a referee in front of a hundred people, you get punished. Why should someone else pay for the effect of your cause?

If you, like Murphy the dog, insist on rolling in it, others shouldn't have to suffer because you're not getting petted.

Lesson: You reap what you sow, but don't expect somebody else to eat it.

SECOND HAND SMOKE

2011-01-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

Two days before Christmas the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, chestnuts were roasting on an open fire, sugarplums were head-dancing, and our dogs were tearing apart a little, gray kitten.

'Tis the season.

Living in a more rural area sometimes we unintentionally play host to families of feral cats, this was one of those times--we were not very good hosts.

My son Dave was home for Christmas, and he and his mother were playing in the snow. The tranquility of the moment was disturbed when they saw (and heard) the kitten being worked over pretty well by two of our otherwise friendly dogs, who must have thought they had received an early Christmas present.

Extricating the dog-spit-covered feline was a trick in itself, but the dogs didn't stand a chance against Jean's maternal instincts. The dogs lost their present, and we gained a second cat.

Smokey the cat is now twelve years old, an indoor cat, well-fed, warm and loved. For Smokey to go from very perilous existence in the wild to a protected life in our home he had to go through being used as a pull toy by creatures fifteen times his weight.

To go from what you are now to what you can become, do you also have to be metaphorically pulled apart by the big dogs of life?

Sadly for many of us, that's the case. Smokey would never have experienced the solace in Jean's arms if being held by a human hadn't been infinitely better than the pain of being chomped on by large, canine incisors.

To leave what you currently have, staying must be too painful. That is the root reason anyone would choose to change. As long as you perceive what you have now to be less painful than facing the "dogs" guarding your brighter future, you ain't goin' nowhere.

If Smokey could only have reasoned that once he got through this dog thing, the rest of his life would be better, he might have gone looking for the dogs.

How are you different from Smokey the cat?

To change your job requires facing the dogs of interviews, working with strangers, new policies and procedures and a chance of failure.

To change your house requires facing the dogs of paperwork, meeting new neighbors, leaving old neighbors, arranging for furniture moving, new grocery stores, additional financial obligations.

To change a relationship requires facing the dogs of tears, meeting new people, self-doubt, additional financial obligations and a chance of failure.

Look at all the good things you have in your life and think about the dogs you had to face to get them. Don't leave an even greater future unexplored. Grab a box of treats, a can of citronella spray and wade through the pack.

Lesson: Sometimes to get what's best, we have to experience what's worse.

TICK TOCK

2011-01-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

On the TV show ER, a couple in their 80s are stage center. The man is dying, the wife asks concerned Doctor Carter, "How much longer?" Doctor C says, "A few more minutes." Woman sobs in stunned and saddened disbelief, stares at Carter with a look in her eyes that rips your heart out and mumbles numbly, "Only a few more minutes?"

Sixty years of loving togetherness for that man and his wife came down to only a "few more minutes."

There comes a time for all of us when our relationship with those we love will be over in just "a few more minutes." The difference between most of us and the TV characters is they knew which minutes would be their "few more."

Given this finality fact of earthly relationships, should you then be kind, tender, warm, devoted and giving to your loved ones every single minute of every single day? Commendable, yes, but just as certainly unattainable, and in many ways, undesirable. (How would you like to spend a serious amount of time with someone who treated you as if you were going to croak any minute?)

Here rests our earthly dilemma. You shouldn't treat others as if they are going to die before lunch because 99.99 percent of the time you will be wrong. But if you're not treating them the best you know how when their few minutes are indeed up, you beat yourself upside the head with the guilt stick. "I was going to call Aunt Lenore last night but I watched ER instead. Now she's dead, I'm a terrible person."

It would seem to be a part of our human makeup when someone close to us dies to feel we didn't "do enough," "weren't there for them," "didn't say what we wanted to say," yada yada. Get over it. The odds are against us always doing the right thing at the right time.

A loving relationship is a balancing act of living daily with the humanness brought to that relationship. A loving relationship is the times you called Aunt Lenore twice in a day blended with the times you didn't call at all. Death as well as life is a game without rules. You can't judge the quality of a relationship on the last "few minutes." But you definitely could hold yourself accountable for all the years, months, weeks, hours and minutes before the last few.

When you have treated your loved ones the best you know how for 99.99 percent of the time, the last few minutes are just the last few minutes.

Lesson: Enjoy others as if they will live forever, and love them as if they only have a few more minutes.

HAPPENINGS

2010-12-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

"Everything that happens, happens for a reason."

Ever hear that saying? That's a good, solid, empowering belief because it puts a person back in control of the event. Stuff happens, you then get busy searching for its reason. Yes, a good, solid, empowering belief -- I just don't happen to believe it.

Sure, things happen, that's what things do. But I don't believe they happen for a reason. I don't believe life's events have hidden in them any inherent reason for their existence.

What happens, happens. You give it a reason.

That's where your power comes from. You decide how to make the most of whatever has gone on in your life not by saying "poor, poor pitiful me" or looking outward for a reason from some celestial teacher, but by giving events a reason that you can use to move forward. "What can I learn from this?" is the most empowering question to ask of life's events. Maybe you're not supposed to learn any lesson -- but you can learn one if you choose.

Lesson: Events don't happen to teach you something; they just happen. Learning is yours to seek out.

THINKIN', THINKIN', BO BLINKIN'

2010-12-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

The old saying, "We are what we think about most," fascinates me.

If I took that statement literally in a very short time I would become a double martini, shaken not stirred. But I don't imagine that's what the sages meant. I believe they meant when you think about something you program your subconscious mind, which directs your automatic bodily responses, to do what it takes to make your thoughts your reality.

But…

If you are what you think about most, wouldn't the converse also be true, "You are not what you don't think about?" And due to the limited mental capacities and interests of us humans we don't think about more things than we think about. So you leave a lot of what could potentially make a much better you unthought about. Think about that.

Lesson: Every time you think about something, you're not thinking about everything else that could be thought about.

FLY ME TO THE MOON

2010-12-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

It's not the lions. We can handle the lions. It's those darn pesky Stomoxys calcitrans.

An article taken off the web introduced me to the dreaded "Bloodsucking flies of Tanzania" (a.k.a. Stomoxys calcitrans). It seems these flies were responsible for killing six lions and seriously injuring sixty-two others. According to a conservationist "The flies bite the lions then keep biting their wounds, inflicting a lot of pain and traumatizing them. The lions are dying of trauma."

It's not the big things. We can handle the big thing. It's those darn pesky flies.

Forgot to set the alarm (fly).

No time for coffee (fly).

Dog poop on the carpet (fly).

Heavy traffic (fly).

Unplanned meeting (fly).

Underwear riding up (fly)

Cell phone battery running down (fly)

Excessive overtime (fly)

Daughter dating the purple-haired guy (fly)

At the end of the day, when you've swatted your last fly (spouse has a headache), you drop into bed exhausted. You're so uptight you realize you're breathing like your dog on a hot July afternoon, your shoulders are up around your ears, and you haven't blinked since last Tuesday.

The best use of our time for reducing the pressures we're exposed to everyday is not to bag our lions, but to manage our flies.

Life is made up of flies, both the bloodsuckerflies and the butterflies. Get used to it. When life throws you into a swarm of Stromos, breath deeply, relax, and laugh. When encountering an abundance of butterflies, delight in the flying flower, smile like the kid you are, and know just how good you have it right now.

Lesson: Don't sweat the big stuff, it's the little stuff that will drop you
to your knees.

ALIVE AND WELL, OR BORED AS HELL

2010-12-09T11:08:00.000-07:00

Prioritize:

( ) Be alive and realize there's nothing you want to do.

( ) Be dying and know there is more you want to do.

( ) Be dying and realize there's nothing you want to do.

( ) Be alive and know there is more you want to do.

If you view life as I do, you choose as your number one priority being alive and knowing there is more you want to do and as number four dying with more to do. Those choices are easy to understand. But as your second priority did you chose being alive with nothing to do or did you choose to check out of a boring, uneventful, meaningless life?

Lesson: Living or dying are much the same if you don't have anything you want to do.

TOUGH SHOT

2010-11-30T14:37:00.000-07:00

I always enjoyed putting the shot.

I played football and track in high school and college. When I look back at the sports experience, I think I enjoyed the solitary sport of track and field even more then the babe-magnet sport of football.

I came to that conclusion while in an analytical mood I was reconstructing my life. I was bemoaning my lost opportunity to be a really good shot putter. Then what to my wondering eyes should appear but a flyer for the Senior Olympics -- opportunity regained.

I had five months to get ready for the state trials and another two months for the state finals. As they say, "It's never too late to have a happy childhood" and I was going to prove that statement true. I enhanced my workout schedule to include what I needed, physically and mentally, to heave that shot further than any old guy in New Mexico had ever done.

The big day came, I threw, I stunk.

It was then that I came to the realization that if I could have either skills or attitude--I'd take skills. I had a great positive attitude I just couldn't throw the darn thing from one side of a closet to the other. I came in first loser (a.k.a. second) -- out of two men in my age category. But because the top three finishers qualified for advancement, I was eligible for state!

As we drove home I said to Jean, "Well that frees up a couple days in July because there is no way I'll go to the state meet finals and embarrass myself again." Then Jean reminded me of what I've been saying to audiences for years -- there are three benefits to failure. Failure is:

1) A learning experience
2) A step toward success
3) A help to developing a sense of humor

It's tough when your own words come back to bite you, but bite me they did.

The three steps were true.

1) I learned the way I was practicing didn't work. I changed my practice routine.

2) This meet was only one step toward success. I signed up for other meets.

3) Being beaten by people who were throwing the shot as a time filler while waiting to compete in their "real" event, was humorous. (This benefit did take longer to accept.)

Off to state I went; I threw; I stunk.

There's always next year.

As tough as it is, you can't let the worry over failure stop you from doing what you know for you is the right thing to do.

The way I like to look at failure is that failure is a choice, and you can choose to never fail again because failure is only in the mind of the beholder.

Maybe that concept needs an explanation. Everything you do has an outcome. If it's the outcome you wanted or better (in my case a gold metal), you label that as a success. If it's an outcome you didn't want or worse (in my case dropping the shot on my foot), you label that as a failure. You project the outcome based on your expectations, you judge the outcome based on your expectations, and you label the outcome as either a success or a failure based on your expectations.

When you experience an outcome that was less than you anticipated, you can choose to label yourself a washout who bombed, fizzled, collapses, blundered, botched, flunked and floundered. Or you could choose to say you are a schooled, enlightened, informed, knowledgeable learner who knows you're always a success at creating the outcome you get.

You project the outcome, you judge the outcome, and you label the outcome.

When you are up against the possibility of failure and you feel yourself backing off give it the "best/worst" test by asking yourself these three questions:

1) What's the worst that could happen if I engage in this activity?
2) What's the best that could happen?
3) Is the best worth the worst?

When the thrill of victory out weights the agony of defeat, go for the victory.

Considering my shot put experiences, the best that could happen, I could win a gold medal. The worst that could happen, I don't win a gold medal. So since I didn't have a gold metal when I began, the worst that could happen is I wind up right where I was before I started. In this case is the best worth the worst? Sure.

Will I do it again next year? Yes. I learned some life-long lessons, took another step forward and had more than a few laughs. My strategy now is to stay healthy and eventually outlive everyone until I am the only one left in my age group.

Lesson: Failure is a state of mind, choose not to live in that state.

CARL

2010-11-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

Carl was a retired pharmaceutical salesman. He wore his hair in a tight crew-cut like he had done during his days in the Corps. He was slight man with glasses and an ever-present bow tie. You get the picture.

No, you probably don't. To really get the picture of Carl, you didn't need to see him, you needed to experience him. I first got "Carled" the day after I met him.

I met Carl at a talk I was giving. The following day the newspaper had a write-up about the event, and my name was mentioned. The next day I received by mail the article, laminated on a piece of cardboard, with a note of congratulations from Carl. Such acknowledgment is not an everyday occurrence in my life.

From that day on, every time my name was mentioned anywhere in print the next day a note would come on a laminated piece of cardboard. If the publicity was not in print, Carl just sent a note.

Why did he do that?

Carl in his retirement took up public speaking. He called his company, People and Pride. His purpose was to help people feel good about themselves.

Carl was passionate about his purpose and approached his business differently than many people. For example, his business card was cut from construction paper. The card had a pasted on picture of Carl taken at one of those "go in the booth and get four pictures for a dollar" kind of places. He was also different in another significantly more substantial way. Carl really tried to relate to people.

Carl and I spoke often about why most people never responded when he called them or sent them something in the mail. Carl thought responding to another's gesture was common courtesy. I wonder where he could have come up with a strange idea like that?

Carl didn't do what he did for money; he did it because it fit his purpose. He spent hours scouring newspapers, finding stories, laminating them and mailing them off to give the recipients tangible evidence of why they should feel good about themselves.

Carl's endeavors were not about getting a reply. But a reply would have been nice.

I knew Carl the last three years of his life. Unless he had a death bed conversion, Carl moved on to the big stage in the sky being confused and a bit hurt over the lack of response to his reaching out. He wouldn't be human if he weren't a bit hurt, but Carl didn't have to be confused. The answer is obvious.

The people Carl thought enough of to spend time, energy, money and a piece of himself on were too busy to respond.

Carl didn't mean business, status or power to others. He was just a little guy with a bow tie and a homemade business card reaching out to touch other human beings.

I wonder where he could have come up with a strange idea like that?

Lesson: If you're too busy for people, you're much too busy.

A PLEASANT OR NON-PLEASANT PRESENT

2010-11-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

Fear of the unknown doesn't make sense.

The unknown, since it is just that -- unknown, can be given a face only in your fertile imagination. Your imagination can create an unknown world of pleasant possibilities or stark terror -- your choice.

Now the present is another story.

If you're into fear, and you're determined to fear something, fear the present. At least you know what IS happening, and your imagination is as useless as World Series rings with Chicago Cubs engraved on them.

The challenge comes in your being truthful with yourself, not about what did or could happen, but about what is actually happening -- the present. Is your present pleasant or is it a not so pleasant present?

You may feel your present sucks rotten eggs -- but does it? Your present may seem unpleasant because you have chosen to view past and future events as negative and have willingly rolled your present, past and future into one big depressing mental ball.

The past and the future are great places to visit, but you don't want to live there. They're like Oz; they don't exist in any practical sense.

According to the late Buckminster Fuller, a futurist, philosopher, engineer, architect, mathematician and all-around cool guy, we as humans are 99 percent "non form." Ninety-nine percent of who we are is lived internally -- in our heads.

If that seems a bit much, consider:

All of your past is alive to you only in your thoughts. (You can think about last week, but you can't physically be there last week.)

All of your future is lived in your thoughts. (You can think about next week but can't physically be there next week.)

Only the immediate present is lived in your body.

All of your past and all of your future is lived mentally. Only a fleeting one percent of a present moment is lived in the body. While I'm a statistics skeptic, I'll subscribe to Bucky's 99 percent number.

The importance of the present is further demonstrated by exhaustive research (I researched it until I got exhausted) which proves you are most productive when your mind and body are in the same place at the same time. That only happens in the present moment. If you're creating an unpleasant present, you will have blown the only real time you can do anything about anything.

How are things going, right here, right now? Separate what did happen yesterday and what you think might happen tomorrow, and concentrate on this moment. Are you feeling OK right now? Is everything acceptable on the job right now? With the family? Health good? Right now?

Lesson: Now is all you have. Live in it.

BM TO TGIF

2010-11-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

When you first learned the days of the week, do you remember having a favorite? Do you have a favorite now? Might it be Saturday or Sunday?

Consider the view many people hold about the typical work week. Starts off with "Blue Monday," ends on "Thank God, It's Friday," and in the middle is "Hump Day" (which gets you over the hump from "Blue Monday" to "Thank God It's Friday"). And then there are Tuesday and Thursday which may very well be the same day but spelled differently.

A survey, in a long list of surveys that didn't need to be conducted, concluded that only three percent of workers considered Monday as their favorite day (Maybe they had work weeks of Wednesday through Sunday?)

How many people do you know whose work lives revolve around weekends, vacations, retirement and death? Isn't it strange that so many people are worried about losing jobs they didn't want in the first place and don't much like now?

An employment study determined 59% of the workforce did not consciously choose their jobs. They either got started through chance circumstances, took the only jobs available, or were influenced by friends or relatives. Another study had 60% of the participants stating they found work "dull and boring." If these studies are anywhere close to accurate, why so much concern over job security?

Do you spend BM through TGIF looking forward to the weekend and then come back to work on BM and can't remember what you did on the two days you were so anxiously waiting for?

Are you working only for perceived financial and emotional security? Or do you demand fulfillment, happiness and pleasure from your occupation?

People's concern over losing jobs that give them meaning and provide fulfillment, happiness, and pleasure is understandable. Those folks have found a harmony between personal purpose and organizational goals. Losing such a job might hurt for awhile, but having been bitten by the fulfillment bug, these people will soon be back to doing what makes them happy.

Workers' concerns over losing financial and emotional security are also understandable, but misplaced. They are setting themselves up for the motherlode of negative stress by putting something as valuable as their security into the hands of organizations they don't control. If they were to lose their jobs, they would have to rely on another organization they do not control to provide their security fix -- an unenviable and tail-chasing position in which to be.

Any of us, at any time, for any number of reasons could find ourselves "occupationally challenged." But if we know what we really love to do, our condition is merely temporary.

Lesson: If you can't get excited about, passionate for, and committed to what you do for a living, you lose nothing of real importance when you don't do it anymore.

ANGEL FROM MONTGOMERY

2010-11-07T10:18:00.000-07:00

I like music. I like the singer/songwriter John Prine, and I like his song, Angel from Montgomery. What's not to like about lyrics that say:

"If dreams were thunder, lighting was desire, this old house would have burned down a long time ago."

A house full of dreams and desires -- I like that too.

Picture a house jammed wall-to-wall with dreams and desires of those who live there. A Norman Rockwell painting? Now that you've pictured it, what does a house full of dreams and desires sound like? Harder to imagine, isn't it? It's harder because so often our dreams and desires go unspoken, not just to others but to ourselves.

Early in the life of your dreams, they may seem too fragile to expose to the outside world, so you hold them inside. When it's time to consider letting them out, you worry about what others will think. You over-analyze; you commit "dreamicide."

Without the energy derived from a passionate pursuit of dreams, what of significance gets accomplished in our lives? We are rewarded by society for performing skills effectively and efficiently. Precious few others in our lives seem to care what our dreams are, but that's no excuse for our not caring. As John Prine goes on to say:

"Just give me one thing that I can hang on to. To believe in this living is just a hard way to go."

The living out of other people's dreams, resulting in a lack of personal passion, can also be seen in another line from Angel from Montgomery:

"How the hell can a person go to work in the morning, come home in the evening, and have nothing to say?"

That's not too hard to understand. Why would a person want to talk about unfulfilled dreams and desires? Why would a person want to talk about spending their unrecoverable hours fulfilling someone else's dreams and desires?

If "dreams were thunder, lightning was desire" in your house, would your house be engulfed in a raging inferno, or would you just be inconvenienced by a slight warming trend?

Lesson: Dreams are forged by the fire of passion or doused by the waters of indifference.

THAT OLD GREEN MAGIC

2010-11-04T14:47:00.000-06:00

When my son Tom was quite young, his Grandma gave him $2.00 to spend at the flea market. The first item he saw that intrigued him was a newly minted dollar bill sold at the booth of a coin dealer. Tom liked the looks of the crisp, plastic encased dollar bill. Although too young to do any serious collecting, he bought it with his $2.00.

As the day wore on and his fascination with the dollar bill wore off, he passed a booth selling toys. He saw a 60-cent squirt gun that looked better to him at that moment than the crisp, newly minted, plastic encased dollar bill. He used the $2.00, $1.00 bill to buy the 60-cent squirt gun.

As we were driving home, my wife Jean and I were mulling over the morning events. We realized we had not given birth to a Warren Buffet (or maybe even a Jimmy Buffet for that matter). We, his sensible parents, had walked around a flea market for over two hours. We had seen many interesting items we would have liked to have had but being practical and business-like, we were going to save our money until we got well into our 90s -- then we could get whatever we wanted.

Tom, having parlayed his $2 to 60-cent squirt gun plus change, did not demonstrate good business -- not good business in the financial sense. But in the big-picture sense, Tom traded in money that has no value in itself and all day long he had in his possession what to him did have value. His parents, on the other hand, drove home practical, business-like and empty-handed.

What good is your money, whatever the amount, if you don't have your squirt gun when you want it?

Lesson: A dollar saved is smart. A dollar spent is fun.

"SHOULD-ING" ALL OVER

2010-11-01T10:21:00.000-06:00

I feel pretty, I feel pretty. I feel pretty, witty and.. Right in the middle of my shower song came Murphy the Lab. He pushed the shower door open, Lab-swaggered in and began lapping up the water that had just recently washed off my squeaky clean body.

If, when my children lived at home they would have done the same thing (open the shower door, not licked the floor), I would have been angry. The Lab did it; I thought it was cute. Same act. Why would I have been mad at the kids and not the dog?

Simply, kids should know better. Labs, on the other hand, aren't into shoulds,

Anytime you have the word should, rattling around in your cranium, you can bet the negative emotion of anger is waiting to leap on everyone in sight. The kids "should" have known better, therefore I'm angry. Murphy "shouldn't" have known better, therefore I'm not angry. Kid or Lab; my results are the same, I'm still standing wet, cold and waterlogged. Whether I choose to be angry or amused at the situation rests solely on my use of the word should.

Should is a very future oriented word. "If I throw this lit match into a gallon of gasoline, I should get an explosion." That "should" means all the elements are in place to generate a specific result. While an asinine use of a lit match, it is a legitimate use of the word, "should."

Using "should" in the past is when we get into trouble. "Bob should have remembered our anniversary." He didn't. "My boss shouldn't have criticized me in front of others." She did. Go with it!

Anything that has happened should have happened; otherwise it would not have happened. The event did happen and it's over and done. Everything is right with nature, rejoice.

Should paralyzes you in the present moment by requiring spending that present moment wishing events were different from what they are. Rather than fussing and fuming over the irretrievable past, use the present productively by putting a structure in place so a similar undesirable event does not happen again in the future.

Locks on the shower door?

Lesson: Your anger always contains the word should. Reduce your shoulds, reduce your anger.

SHAME ON ME

2010-10-26T10:00:00.000-06:00

People watching in Houston Hobby airport might not be as exhilarating as people watching at a Marilyn Manson concert, but it was all I had.

Most travelers today seem to have two things in common: they wear frowns as the face uniform of the day, and they wear cell phones surgically attached to their ears.

She was walking toward me down the concourse when I first saw her. For someone in that eclectic mass of humanity to catch my eye was unusual. My eye was caught when I noticed she had no cell phone appendage and, of all things, was smiling! How unlike the general traveling public was she?

She was a big woman, both tall and full figured, in her early 30s. She had a pasty complexion and was wearing a "Diane Keaton" hat over a complete head scarf topping off a moo mooy type dress that took me back to the 60s. I named her Moonbeam. (I didn't have much else to do.)

I know we're not suppose to be judgmental, and hopefully I'm not when I say, "Moonbeam looked silly."

We approached, I judged, we passed. I was then on to checking if there were any others in the airport who could give me a smile. I was returning from the funeral of my cousin who had died of cancer. I could use any smile I could get.

About one-half hour later while sitting at the gate, I looked up and saw Moonbeam waiting in line to check in. She was more interesting than the book I was reading, so book down, eyes up, and I really checked her out. She was with two older people sporting matching faces. They had to be Mamma and Papa Moonbeam. They were engaged in a lively animated conversation that I strangely would have liked to be part of. I noticed Miss Moonbeam had wide-awake eyes and a great smile occupying a lot of real estate on her unusually pale but radiant, round face. Spending more time and suspending judgement, she looked well...fun, but what was with the scarf and the wild clothes? She dressed like she was pleasing herself and didn't care what people like me thought of her. Imagine that.

Broadening my judgmental scope, I checked out her accessories. Over one arm she carried a little straw basket purse, (fitting with her "I gotta be me" dress). One hand clutched a bouquet of wild flowers. The other hand carried the reason I will try for the rest of my life not to judge another human being so quickly --she held a small cloth travel bag, stitched on were the words The University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center.

She didn't look silly now; Moonbeam looked beautiful.

Lesson: Don't judge people on how they act until you know why they act.

THE ENEMY WITHIN

2010-10-23T10:28:00.001-06:00

You have a time management problem? Stop reading right now and talk to your smart, resourceful self. Brainstorm five ways to more effectively manage your time.

Knowing how to manage your time is a pretty easy assignment eh? Now, is your time being managed effectively? Pretty hard eh? So easy to know, so hard to do.

Think of all the things you know how to do and say you want to do, but don't do. Is it possible you really don't want to do what you say you want to do?

Take the time management example. You say you want to manage your time more effectively. You just self-talked five ways to do that very thing, and you're still flitting around like Captain Hook in a juggling contest.

Why? Because to do what's required in order to gain the benefit of effectively managing your time, i.e., discipline, organization, and prioritization, is to you simply not worth doing.

Think of all the elements of your life you say you would like to be different than they are. Would you like to spend more time with the kids (or spend less time with kids)? Train your Lab to be an acceptable member of the family. How about going back to school, changing jobs, moving your career forward or watching every Star Trek episode? You know effective ways to grab whatever carrot is perpetually dangling in front of you -- guaranteed.

You're just choosing not to do what's required. That's OK, provided you stop complaining about the things you don't have or aren't doing. Recognize we as sharers of the human experience get exactly what we should get, given what we're willing to do to get it.

Lesson: To get something you don't have, you must give up something you do have, and it's not always worth the giving up.

A ZERO SUM GAME

2010-10-23T10:24:00.000-06:00

If you do something nice for Tammy, must Tammy do something nice for you? If you drive one week in the car pool, must someone else drive one week? You have Bob and Marge to the house for an evening's entertainment, then Bob and Marge owe you an evenings entertainment. You have watched the neighbor's dog twice over the last month now they owe you two?

Are you nice to get nice? Do you drive to be driven, entertain to be entertained, dog watch to have your dog watched? Or do you do what you do for the pure joy of doing without any thought of a payback?

Consider the amount of holiday greeting cards you send. Do you sent the same amount as you get? Might that be a small indication of why you perform the "giving" act of sending cards in the first place?

A person may be morally or legally obligated to pay you back a previously and mutually agreed upon something. If you did what you did to be "nice," or because it was the "right thing to do," and they don't view it the same way, what right do you have to feel put upon?

If it bothers you, invite Bob and Marge over for dinner and tell them the invitation is extended only if they agree to have you back within 2 months. If they fail in their obligation, they owe you the price of the dinners.

That may seem silly, but is it any sillier than inviting them, not voicing your expectations and seething that they haven't met the expectations you created? "Yes, but they should know that, it's just common courtesy," you say. Yea! Right. If it was common, you wouldn't be in that situation. If it's not common to Bob and Marge, and it is important to you, get new friends. New friends that will help you stay even in this incredibly uneven life.

When you do what you do for the purpose of getting paid back, you put the control of the satisfaction and contentment in your life into the hands of someone or something you do not control -- a stressful location in which to reside.

Lesson: Give to give, don't give to get.

NEIGHBORS

2010-10-17T15:57:00.000-06:00

Were you ever getting ready to walk your dog and really didn't want to? That happens to me a couple of times a week. Then I think of our ex-neighbors.

No, they didn't tell me I should exercise by mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, and washing my car or walking that head-strong Lab. As a matter of fact, they didn't have to talk to me at all. It's enough that they were there.

Our old neighborhood included a group home for physically-challenged people. When I felt too tired or thought I was too busy to walk, all I had to do was look across the street and see people in wheel chairs who couldn't do, and would probably give anything to do, what I was thinking of voluntarily not doing.

Lesson: Maybe you need to walk your dog just because you can.

DOG GONE

2010-10-17T15:47:00.000-06:00

Shadow ran away.

We only had the two-year-old Lab/Pit Bull mix for four months but in that short time she showed us every vulnerable section of our fence. She's a runner, and when her legs get going, her ears close up, so calling her back when she gets a head of steam is a waste of precious breath.

My wife Jean was hiking in the mountains a couple miles from the house. Considering her bent for bolting, she is kept on a leash (Shadow not Jean). Jean put the leash under her foot to fix her (Jean's not Shadow's) headgear. Leash under Jean's foot -- no match for Shadow, she (Shadow not Jean) was gone.

Emotions are funny at a time like that. Before Shadow ran away, I was feeling OK. When she was gone, I was feeling less than OK. She found her way home 24 hours later and I felt better than OK. It felt real good just to have her back! Why didn't I feel that good when she was here before she ran away?

If on Monday afternoon what you value most on this earth was taken from you and returned on Wednesday, how would you feel on Wednesday? Why didn't you feel that good Monday morning? You had what you most valued then.

Why is it so ingrained in human nature that we need to lose something in order to appreciate it? You have a life full of precious people, exciting events and priceless possessions. While we have them, recognize them, count them and value them -- right now, before they're gone, because they will go.

Lesson: Tomorrow's a crap shoot; live today.